Not Sleeping but Still Not Awake

Yesterday I was in a slump since the moment I awoke and I allowed myself to be in a state of depression the entire day. My starting point as soon as I woke up for the day was that it was my last day off prior to my long seven day work week ahead and I needed to 'relax' to prepare and I had nowhere to be because it was my day off, So when I woke up I immediately began to think instead of breath here and act.

Within this self dishonest starting point I created the outflow of tiredness and laziness and I was thinking so much that I got depressed, in moments throughout the day I wanted to cry my eyes out but I did not allow myself to go there because I knew it was no use and would not be supportive for me. I told myself I don't have time to cry and crying never solved anything and I knew it wasn't a point of crying as a release as self support because I knew in order to cry I would require to think and actually make myself get in a state of sadness where I had to actually direct myself to cry by participating in 'sad' thoughts. So I didn't cry because I saw that it would be self-manipulation and me just feeling sorry for myself and unacceptable.

I still had not dealt with the heaviness and this experience of overall exhaustion, I just moped around and I noticed an interesting thing - I had a strong desire for sex and it was also in part due to pictures that were formed in my mind due to not participating in the physical so that was a bit odd and almost scary to recognize just what happens when I am not here and in my mind. My mind goes to thoughts about sex when I am not here and in a state of 'depression' or 'boredom' so I deleted the pictures and spoke self forgiveness and self corrective statements.

I now had to take responsibility for myself and direct myself and stop allowing myself to wallow around the house, so that is what I did, I started to cook and clean and also make a vlog and so that was cool because it was simple to make and effective and self supportive because I wasn't sitting around giving my power away to the mind or making the mind more important then what is here in and as the physical. Today when I woke up I did what Sunette suggested I breathed in and stretched out my arms moved my legs and got right up and directed myself to move here in and as the physical and not spend any time in the mind thinking.

I did notice a slight sluggishness and also my eyes were very red and my right eye felt like it wanted to shut like it wanted to stay closed and asleep so I kept rubbing it and looking into it but nothing was stuck in there and so I decided to have some water lots of it, my eye is back to normal now but I just wanted to note this and also write it out so I can refer to Veno's Structural Resonance documents on the Desteni.co.za website so that I can investigate what the right eye means and see how that correlates to my experience.

here is the vlog I made - enjoy!

Dee-Odor-RANT!

NUCLEAR WASTE

I read an article today in my local news paper about how Sandia National Laboratories supported a country with transporting 'spent fuel' and because of the labs help apparently we are safer in the world. Now we can safely ship waste, not just any waste - nuclear waste. Waste we have created to kill and destroy - let's give ourselves a pat on the back why don't we? Is this true development?

What would give me a sense of comfort is knowing that we have an equal money system in place to prevent these types of epic fuck ups and also knowing that we are ALL doing everything we can to make a better world for children and the children to come and for all that is here on this earth. Children should not have to suffer the consequences of our action or inaction due to the fact that so many are not willing to be self honest with regards to what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become one and equal to.

We are all on this planet sharing the same air, under the same sun, how come so many people do not recognize equality as the only solution? 1+1=2

The things we have accepted and allowed in this world are a shame, this story is manipulative and it may be unintentional because we have simply allowed this type of stuff for such a long time, so many do not recognize the starting point was that of separation.

This article only shows a temporary solution to clean the mess of our manifested self dishonesty but does not share the solution of how to prevent this from happening in the first place or ever again. I do not feel safer because the real problem is not being seen dealt with or resolved. Now what is the true nitty gritty problem we have on our hands here? It is the current money system as it exists because it was founded on self interest, inequality, winners and losers.

Stories like these just won't take place within an equal money system - We of course still have to walk the manifested consequence of what we already co-created accepted and allowed but once we have walked it through in a new equal money system I see an end to all this absolute none sense.

We don't need bombs!

We need the basics to survive food, water, shelter, clothing, education and within an equal money system the basic needs of all will be provided - We can work together as equals.

It fascinates me all the effort time and money put forth to kill eachother, this is a clear physical reflection of the inner war and madness we exist as, as human beings in separation. It is fine time to be self honest and forgive ourSELF unconditionally and correct what needs correcting and begin here as breath to do what is best for all in all ways so that we can actually enjoy ourselves on this earth and stop fighting, stop the inner wars, stop the spitefulness that creates catastrophes such as war, violence, pain, physical deformities, the diminishment of ourselves as life.

Wars are fought over resources to get money to then have 'power', because of course beings have such an immense fear of loss that they will go great lengths and risk the death of millions to maintain a sense of so called 'security' for themselves ONLY. What a mess.

People go to great lengths to have more money then the next guy, ruler or president ect...

Some say that war is not about money and that it is about power, if you have a look money=power and people use this power to control the movement of money, so that money will always remain in the hands of a few so that they can swap it back and forth and think that this is how they can remain 'safe' but the starting point is fear. This is not real power by any means. We have programmed ourselves throughout our live's that there are always winners and losers, 'survival of the fittest' - In many instances when I've mentioned an equal money system beings can not even fathom equality because of all the programming that has been accepted and allowed and blinded the eyes of many who will not even consider equality and not realize that equality is the only solution we have. Within giving unconditionally to another 'equal money' each will benefit. When did equality become taboo? If you react to equal money and world equality take note of just how much you have allowed yourself to diminish.

We are always equal to what we accept and allow ourselves to be and become why not be equal to and as life here within and as the physical.

Equal money will be a point within which beings can drop the veil that anyone can 'own' anything in this world, everything is provided to us by the earth it is not ours everything belongs to the earth.

A starting point of greed, fear, self interest and the current money system has caused many to become deaf and blind to what is real - the physical. The earth sustains all, plants, water, animals, everything we require is already here, so why have we created a stumbling block to prevent all to have unconditional access to the NECESSARY resources required for survival, such as food, clothes, water, shelter education, ect.

Equal money for all is the only solution within which to bring about equality to this world. Money is not evil it is our starting point within it - money is a tool that can be used to transfer goods and why not it be equal for all?

We disregard life just like we have disregarded nuclear waste but there is always a consequence. Either we do this peacefully if that is 'possible' considering all the pain and suffering taking place at this very moment but as 'peacefully' as we can at this point and change ourselves and exist here in and as the physical and stop existing in the mind just looking for ways to win, and acquire money - we have diminished ourselves so extensively and we must stop. Til here no further.

Equality is real love - I stand for and as a solution and will do what is best for all and I am one of many that can do this simple mathematical equation 1+1=2 can you?

Support life be 1 vote for world equality and an equal money system.

Join us - If you care, if you dare... EqualMoney.org, DesteniIprocess, Desteni.co.za

To read the full article mentioned, click below.

https://share.sandia.gov/news/resources/news_releases/aktau-reactor/

Thank you

What is true robbery?

In the local news today a I read that banker was robbed at gun point, police caught the 'suspect'

I had a look at what the starting point that a person might have where in which robbing a bank at gunpoint is an option.

Let's say the 'robber' doesn't give a fuck about anyone else's life, well maybe he at the very least cared about his own or maybe not because the 'robber' not only risked his life he also risked the life of many others for example bank employees, bystanders, police officers, children. This is quite a weighty risk, let's say he at the very least least ends up in jail and has to spend a good amount of his life in jail that is still quite a shitty option - Is all of THAT really worth it? It is for many this is the so called "free choice" people have.

Not to mention the implications of sending people to jail for committing crimes such as these and now the 'tax payers' 'money' is used to feed and house the so called 'criminal' - it is a fascinating fuck up.

The robber may have done it for drug money or it may have been for survival, either way in an Equal Money System story's like these will be nearly obsolete and could be prevented by providing all with income to cover their basic needs from birth to death.

Bank tellers risk their lives daily as do police officers, drug dealers, druggies, thieves and they all for one thing -Money - It just depends which side of the coin one happens to be on.

I am not implying that we give money to people for drugs, but drug dealers sell drugs to obtain money and the majority of drug dealers have little to no education and have no other means of survival, or maybe have the option to survive for a while by the hair of their assess, but why do that, when they can just become a drug dealer because if they get caught they will just go to prison where their basic needs are met. If a person would never have to consider becoming a drug dealer and risk their own life everyday to survive there will be much less reason for people to be drug dealers and the outflow of that would be less people addicted to drugs and why are people addicted to drugs? Because drugs are addictive to ensure repeat costumers. It's all one gigantic fuck up!

The money system as it currently exists is not effective just look at the few examples I have shared and there are stories like these across the board, all around the world.

Events like this robbery take place because of a faulty, unequal money system, a system that supports greed and disregards life. The input is always the output so now we have another scenario where greed and the disregard for life continues. This cycle can be prevented by creating a new money system that supports life, is what is best for all and is founded and has the starting point of equality - if we input equality the output is equality.

It is a simple equation. Can you do the math?

1+1=2

Story's like these will increase and brutality will also increase because of the brutality of our current money system - time to stop this inhumane way of existing and start to consider our neighbor and treat our neighbor as we would like to be treated.

What is best for all is best for self.

Beings would not even have to consider such extremes to acquire money if their basic needs are met- this is simple common sense. The current money system is bullshit and is not working.

The solution that is best for ALL Life is Here - EMS - Equal Money System.

Lets change the way we do things and change ourselves, lets stop crimes against life that are caused by the current money system due to desperation.

ENOUGH is ENOUGH it is time to stop allowing ourselves to rob from eachother to be robbers of LIFE - STOP -Investigate Equal Money - JOIN US!

http://equalmoney.org

Writing, Equal Money, Education, World Equality!

I was busy writing and rewriting a blog for the the past two hours it was entitled:

"I live in one of the most impoverished and crime filled states in America"

Is this a coincidence, I strongly doubt it.

I simply wanted to show and share the correlation between poverty and crime and how an equal money system will lower crime and death because most crime is done for one reason - Money. An interesting statistic I came across today when searching for information regarding crime and poverty, stated that the majority of people in jail were poverty stricken and made less then $10,000 a year.

But while writing this out I began to judge myself due to my limited vocabulary, I often struggle with writing and sometimes get to a point where I go into self doubt about my ability to express what it is here as me - passion regarding world equality and equal money.

So I rewrote that dang blog over and over again and then I became bewildered because the points that I wrote about began to interconnect and intertwine to everyone and everything. It is fascinating the money systems of this world move everything and are the source of most of the abuse, pain, separation and fear in and of this world - Capitalism is a crime against life and is not acceptable. Even people that have huge sums of money are enslaved to it, by it.

We are all equally responsible for this mess that we have co-created and have a responsibility to do something to change it so that no one has to suffer because of a money system founded on greed, founded on winners and losers.

An equal money system is the solution that is best for all, is simplistic and supports life - Investigate equal money and if you are reading this you are ABLE to do something to stop hunger, abuse, crime, pain separation ect...

If I had grown up in an equal money system I would have been better educated, and educated about what is important - LIFE - Maybe I wouldn't have such extensive inferiority issues because I would have been born into a world where I was immediately considered an equal to all.

I will continue to write and through writing I will also develop proper speaking skills - I am grateful to have the opportunity to blog and share myself and to do what is best for ALL so that ALL may live a life of dignity. Within an equal money system beings will be supported within and as self expression and no longer fear one another but be an unconditional support to one another to be and live as our highest expression and no longer do things in spite of it all. I want to live in a world that I am proud to bring any child into no matter where they live or what family they are born into because they will also be unconditionally supported when they arrive here.

I have been working on and am committed to increasing my vocabulary. Vocabulary is important to me, words are important to me because they are an expression of myself and are a tool within which I am able to share what is best for all and I can express myself within and as specificity so that beings can understand what I share and so that I can build a bridge to close the gap of separation.

What I am writing now is much more simplistic then before and is flowing, it is not forced and I am not 'trying' to sound intelligent or like someone else. I am simply being myself, breathing expressing what is here as me.

Thanks for reading my blog today and for those that are breathing in awareness thanks for being HERE.

Here as Life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a0XctUsazI

Youtube Channel: Miniexperimentalfilm

Music: 'Liveeee' by Matti Freeman

Film by: Marlen Vargas Del Razo

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be forgetful about what is important because I allowed myself to create and follow thoughts

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing limitation within and as me by allowing forgetfulness to exist

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in the mind therefore being subjected to polarity manifestations of the mind consciousness system remembrance/forgetfulness because I was not here as breath self directive in every moment

as breath here I remain - I bring all parts of myself here and do not require to remember because it is all as me here as presence within and as self honesty

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to thoughts

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in energy

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to remain constant and consistent within my application

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take mySELF seriously

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about a solution to stop the gloominess I experience

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to support myself in every moment of breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself wait for something fucked up to happen before I will face myself

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to direct myself within and as every moment of breath to do what is best for all in all ways always

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about what a pain it will be to redo all my self forgiveness' because I was not effective the first time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the thought, even if for a moment that I may not make it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing doubt to exist in me about what I am able to do

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to be specific within my application and for not caring about myself enough to be specific within constantly and continuously applying myself within specificity to do what is best for all in every moment of breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a dream like state and not consider the physical as what is here as me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make a mockery of myself through not applying myself effectively

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to apply myself to live as an example in every moment to accumulate all parts of self within and as what is best for all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have future projections

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and limited to memories

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that because of who i've been that I am now limited and this is all I am capable of becoming

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought that because of the diminishment I have allowed within myself I do not deserve to birth myself as life from the physical

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be self dishonest and not take self responsiblity for what I have allowed myself to be and become

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a thought such as that to diminish me

I no longer accept or allow anything less then who I am as life here within and as the physical as all that exists as one with me

I no longer accept or allow myself to think about breathing

I no longer accept or allow outside events or pain to have to manifest before I will face myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be moved by outside events or pain only and for not being the self directive principle of and as me

I face myself here in every moment

I not longer accept or allow any excuse from myself or another as me

I do not accept or allow myself to abuse myself

I do not accept or allow abuse in and of this world

I am here, I express, I breathe, I correct myself, I direct

I do what is best for all and I will do what is necessary to be done to bring about an equal money system and equality and oneness through the accumulation of 1+1 within and as common sense

I no longer accept limitation - til here no further

I no longer accept or allow myself to exist in the mind as thoughts - I stop I support me unconditionally - I will no longer accept myself to be separate from life

I accept myself unconditionally as what I have become and I direct myself to change and embrace change I reprogram myself to be one and equal to all that exists

I remain here as life

Accident

I was in a car wreck yesterday. I was to work until 5:30pm my co-worker asked my manager if it was possible that we all (meaning the staff) get off of work around 3pm due to the weather the roads were icy and we did not want to be in a position that would be unsafe or be unable to get home. My boss said he would ask the other people he required to report to and get back to us. We were to hear something by 2pm but we never did and I noticed none of the staff was leaving early so I figured we didn't get approved to leave early. I did call to check up 2 times but I did not get an answer, I did not know really what I should do at that point because I did not want to leave and then get in trouble and lose my job but I knew that there was a good chance I would be fucked if I was stuck in a storm in my car. Also I did not really want to leave early because my hours have been cut because business is slow but I knew it made the most sense to just leave as soon as I could to assure I would be safe. So finally at around 4:10pm I got an e-mail from my boss saying - go ahead and take off. I experienced a bit of blame because I felt in that moment that he was acting as if he was doing me a favor. Anyway I left it was cold a fuck outside and snowing and the roads were quite slick and icy. It was scary driving home my drive home is 30mins so it was quite a task inching by sliding the whole way there and then we got to this point where a steep hill presented itself and cops had shut down the road that is when I started to get very pissed off at my boss and my boss's go to guy for approval I thought those assholes do not give a fuck about me or anyone working there. WTF I can not believe that this happened and then I recalled my commitment to no back chat and also not thinking or saying things that I wouldnt be willing to say to everyone so I spoke sf and decided to take what came in stride. But there were people slipping and sliding all over the road near accidents and accidents every few miles i mean even in one mile of road you would see maybe 1-2 people stalled out and maybe a wreck and back ups so I was getting quick scared, unfortunetly the road block did not have an alternative because it was just closed before I got there so there was a detour to nowhere really so everyone was circling around trying to find a way southwest but there was no open outlet so it was a huge cluster fuck on ice and I did not have a phone because I hate carrying my cell phone so I definately learned my lesson next time I will bring a phone anywhere I go. Finally I get to a place that seemed like an option and but for about 20mins I just slide and slide and was getting nowhere. I began to get anxious, I was focused on my breath I think It was too late because I could not get a steady constant breath, I felt as if i had to take very deep breaths to just stop the nervousness, I was fearful that I was so afraid that I would cause a wreck, finally somehow I began moving again and turned back because I knew I could not make it up any hill even the tiniest ones so I was going to make a right turn and when I did I realised I was sliding and to prevent sliding into a light pole I went into the opposite side of the road and hit a car waiting to turn. It happened in slow motion but fast I was so scared, I was not present I didn't respond well I could have honked or done something but instead I just clenched the steering wheel and pressed the brake but that did not help because I just slide right into him. So we exchanged info and then I was really concered because I felt like I was fucked, no phone, no man, no way to get home it was 14 degrees outside and my car was wrecked. So I don't know why I went into such detail about this point, I guess just to see it for myself because I do have a bit of fear now about driving and also there is a bitter part of me toward my boss and the system and I know it is pointless because it is here as me this also delays my plans because its going to cost quite a bit of money to fix it. I feel defeated a bit. I also managed to sprain my ankle twice within an hour when I was in Texas and it's swollen and hurts. I know my fear of hitting someone or getting in a wreck manifested. I could have prevented it if I was here - it was quite a test to be in a stressful and dangerous situation and remain here unfortunately I failed myself - I'm going to stop writing here because I am just whining and I won't allow myself to continue going in that direction. I will drink water and breath. I will be back when I get out of this place I am at and write the necessary self forgiveness.

Thanks if you read all the way to this point lol.

Give It Up!

Ok so this is in reference to Cerise's blog she suggested to 'give it up!' and not say one word that I am not willing to say in front of any person...

I take on this point as myself and will walk and share my experiences. I have attempted to do this throughout my process but have not written about it or actually made a living statement of my commitment to no longer accept or allow gossip or back chat in my mind toward anyone or anything.

Growing up and being around other females this is all we did - Gossip, I guess maybe we did it as a way to bond and get to know each other, well thats not true either, I would observe what they would say about others and then be weary of them the entire time and wonder if they would say the same about me, but did I say THAT out loud? Of course not!

I was with Katie this weekend and we opened up a point about food and it was fascinating to see it unfolding right before us, we both participated in our secret minds and then somehow we just came out and said what was taking place in our secret mind and the fascinating thing is the entire time I was patting myself back in my mind thinking ' wow' Deedra your doing a great job at not being in the mind LOL! What a crock of shit. It was so discrete and automatic, I did not even notice the extent of my dishonesty through allowing thoughts about food to direct me. By simply opening up a point we were able to peel another layer of the onion and get closer to the core of ourselves. Food was the main point we spoke about and justification with regards to food and comparison regarding what we ate as well. But when opening up the point we just laughed about it - really hard - It was cool to see the mind fuck for what it was, it is quite extensive so more points continue to unfold. But the reason I said that is because it is supportive to say things out in the open instead of keeping it within the secret mind and conjuring up all kinds of ideas that can happen so quickly.

- I breathe and remain here and support myself within and as self responsibility, unconditional support and assistance, self direction, self expression, self control, self trust to walk this point.

Thanks Cerise for opening up this point.