A few days ago I hurt my back and neck on the left side, I have been going to the chiropractor and he said I have a sprain/strain.

I have been reading Veno's structural resonance documents and I still have more to read and watch on videos the last time I watched the videos was about 6 months ago and by reading the comments I wrote I was lets say allowing myself to be "blind" about the reality of what I was watching I "thought" I "knew" everything.
So rereading and re-watching now with a clearer understanding of who I am and not placing blame on someone or apparently waiting for "god" to supposedly save me from myself, I can see it for what it is 'assistance and support'
I have been having frustration with my mother and I find that when I speak with her it is almost as if I want to start a fight or something. I want her to say that I am right about being stubborn and not wanting to speak with certain family members because apparently they fucked me over, the last conversation I had with my mother I was just sorta irritated and frustrated like I wanted her to see my view and agree with me but she wouldn't and it pissed me off because I allowed it. I realise I want my mom to mother me and tell me its ok those people are fucked up and your not responsible and she didn't and it bugged me because I have not realised that I am responsible for how I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself and with regards to the grudges I have on my family it is because of so much stuff i have not dealt with because of fear, fear of loss I suppose fear of seeing myself for who I am and what I have become, in holding on to this fear I have given my power away to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to fear
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to fear of loss
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hid from the beings in my family I apparently have "beef" with
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from certain beings because in self honesty I have not wanted to see and face myself as them as all as one in equal
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find that the pain I feel is to much to bear or to look at
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have pain in my body rather then look at these points and forgive them and direct myself within and as self honesty but rather manifest this pain and heavy feeling in my shoulders and neck and back in order to see I must face myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself for being hurt
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want people to take care of me and tell me its gonna be ok
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mother others when they are hurt of feeling sad and say its gonna be ok and apparently "comfort" them but I realise the comfort is not real and is self dishonest
I forgive myself that I have desired for someone to give me attention
I forgive myself that I have desired anything and see myself as lacking something
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in a frenzy and always have somewhere to go someone to see something to do to stay busy and not see myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame so many people for how I feel
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be self abusive
I forgive myself that I have placed my responsibility on others
I forgive myself that I have not been self responsible for how I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself
I forgive myself that I have feared looking at my childhood, memories are assistance and support to no longer experience myself as shame and regret
I am not shame or regret
I no longer accept or allow myself to experience myself as shame and regret
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my mother, father elders in my family as superior to myself and in turn participated in duality and polarity and considered myself as inferior to them and have not seen myself as them, its all as me here
I will be back I am gonna finish reading structural res and watch the vids on youtube again to see myself with more specificity with regards to this point/points.