Pain 1

Ok so I'm here listening to the sound of copy machines in the background and guy next to me smacking his gum - my ankle is sore - I keep getting phone calls today that are hang ups or the the wrong number - what is up with that? - For a moment I thought someone was keeping tabs on me and then I laughed and realised I was tricking myself because I'm not that important lol!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if someone was keeping tabs on me I would be considered important

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that someone may be out to get me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be paranoid

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear when I get multiple wrong number phone calls or hang ups that someone is up to no good

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make something out to be more then it is - People calling with the wrong number or people just hanging up I don't have to create an idea about it or form a judgement

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow thoughts and make judgments or come up with ideas as to why I kept getting hang ups or wrong numbers

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to fear trusting others because I fear trusting myself

So, I have been experiencing quite a bit of pain throughout my body

I will list them for myself in order from first to last

right wrist and right elbow - simultaneously

right ankle, sprained 3 times

neck, upper shoulder, upper back - Simultaneously

left thumb

outer thighs, both sides - feel bruised

My thumb and ankle are the most prominent and consistent

I'm not sure if I have carpel tunnel syndrome or if I'm just worried I do because my mom had it:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the worst case scenario and assume I may in fact have carpel tunnel syndrome because my mom had it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will have all of the ailments that my parents have or have had

I forgive my self for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I couldn't find a job with health insurance I won't be able to get surgery for my carpel tunnel, if that is what it is

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a starting point of and as fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having health insurance

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having access to health insurance and at the same time not move myself to do everything in my 'power' to make a better world for all no matter what it takes

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to fear as an excuse to not stand up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be self dishonest and for make excuses

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be spiteful

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as ego and to allow and accept ego to have power over me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself in an attempt to maintain a certain level of superiority in my world and control

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing control and to fear that if I can not control my environment that I will be put in a vulnerable position that I wont like

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive I can control anything or the future

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear vulnerability

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being alone

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear depending on others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear receiving unconditional support without giving something in return, thus I forgive myself for not standing equal to all and for considering myself equal and one to and as support

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that if someone supports me that I will be forever indebted

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the separation of myself through accepting and allowing myself to go into morality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give value to anything considered moral because morality is based on polarity manifestations and not what is real in fact

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of morality because then I will be walking the unknown

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to stand equal to all that exists as me here

My right wrist and elbow hurt often and I notice it primarily after I've been typing for long periods of time, I also notice the pain when I go into the mind and become possessed by a point or when I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in self judgment- I have noticed the self judgement I experience is not as extensive as before and I do not give it attention but it is still comes up, I direct the point as myself and stop my participation through breathing and speaking self forgiveness and self corrective statements aloud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create self abusive thoughts

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form a pattern of self abuse through accepting and allowing myself to judge myself

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to embrace and love myself unconditionally

I will stop here and continue the rest in my next blog. I had no clue this would be this long :)

Thanks for reading.