Pain 3

No, my dog did NOT eat my homework....

Neck, middle upper back and shoulders - Maybe it is my pillow - I doubt it.

My neck, upper back and shoulders have been hurting for a least two weeks and it hurts quite a bit but I wasn't giving it too much attention, I wasn't giving mySelf attention and then one day, I was agitated by the pain like 'fuck, How come I still have all this pain?' My neck back and shoulders have been bothering me and I haven't made a point to investigate why this is happening or how it relates to me in process nor did I look at Veno's Structural resonance documents that are always supportive and revealing.

I wasn't able to sleep - I remember now that I was having fear thoughts related to my grandmother dying. I've noticed a pattern of having occasional thoughts of people dying and worrying about the future. We are all going to die so I am not sure why I've been afraid of death or the death of others, these thoughts could be related to regret. I haven't my grandmother much lately because I have been stubborn regarding family in general I have been hiding and not taking self responsibility. I've been working on a mind construct on a family member and it has been a 'pain in the neck' so to speak and what happens when I work on it is that my eyes get extremely heavy it is like they want to shut, literally I feel them falling as if I have to go to sleep right then and there.

This is a clear indication that Mind Constructs are effective and supportive within revealing patterns and system manifestations for me to self forgive within and as self honesty and correct myself once and for all and never allow myself to participate in those points again because it is not what is best for all and does not support me - The mind consciousness system does not compute.

The other day I was working on a mind construct with my SRA buddy and I did not give it my all nor did I pay close attention to detail. (the dEVILs in the details) I changed something in my mind construct that we previously agreed would work best, such as placing points in certain, particular ways. I was finishing it up alone and I questioned myself whether or not I was doing it right 'but wait this sounds weird' although I ignored the point to further investigate and I did not take the time to properly complete my work. Glancing at it briefly I changed it to how I wanted it to be instead of how it should have been done.

When I met on chat with her she asked why I changed it, I had no excuse - I told her I do not know why. I did not apply myself entirely within the written work that was required to be done. I took a short cut and did not consider the implications of what I had done. I was actually happy with what I did until she told me it was incorrect and that I required to to it again on my own time. I was mad at myself because I knew what I had done and there was no one to point the finger at but myself. I did not tell her I was sorry even though I should have because I wasted her time, she seemed disappointed and kind of mad about it and it is understandable if she was, but I may have read her wrong. It was kind of like when I was young I would do something half heartedly and then get in trouble for it but back then I would blame the other person instead of taking responsibility for my irresponsible behavior and my accepted and allowed participation in the idea of being inferior to 'paper work/school work'

My buddy took time and effort to share pointers with me, tips and even gave me a full example over chat. My buddy is swamped with work and I am also busy so through me accepting and allowing self dishonesty and not taking an extra five to ten minutes to truly study and double check my work within and as specificity I wasted both of our time - with so much to be done we do not have time to waste.

I have also allowed myself to wait until the last day before SRA chat to complete my assignmentand I have also noticed doing it my way which is unacceptable and not what is best for all, no wonder is been so difficult for me to grasp - I was not sure what exactly I was resisting with regards to SRA work but it is like all of my programming and accepted and allowed self dishonesty is coming out in ways I could not fathom.

So I will use this as a supportive example of what NOT to do, here in this breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a failure of myself through accepting and allowing myself to believe the idea that I am inferior to book/school work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in polarity manifestations of the mind winner/failure - superior/inferior

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste the time of others because I was selfish and did not consider the consequence and outflow of doing things in an incomplete manner

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to immediately think thoughts of inferiority when my buddy told me I needed to do the assignment on my own

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to into sadness when she told me that and think about memories and try to in my mind justify why I accept limitation of and as myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing self manipulation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the idea that I won't ever be able to resolve my 'family' issues

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think believe and perceive that I am inferior to anything that takes a lot of discipline

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceieve that I am inferior to understanding

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear death

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the death of relationships that I have formed through and as separation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the death of myself as personality and the personality I have created with regards to relationships, because I realize that if I no longer act according to how others expect me to act I won't be regarded the same way I always had

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be spiteful through accepting and allowing myself to participate in limitation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself through accepting an idea of limitation to exist within and as me

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to take full responsibility for myself and the work that I do by and through completing my work within and as specificity every single time and not accepting anything less then who I really am and what I am capable of

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the idea of fear that my buddy is mad at me to go into inferiority

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to remain here and miss points because I was not present

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do my SRA assignments my way and not the way that works and is best for all

If I experience resistance toward SRA assignments, I apply sf, simply breathe, drink water, speak self corrective statements and will myself to continue with my responsibility

I no longer accept or allow myself to exist as separation

I no longer accept or allow myself to give up and give in to the mind

I no longer accept or allow myself to manipulate myself

I no longer accept or allow myself to exist as limitation and fear

-I do not know if this at all relates to neck, shoulder or back pain but writing today opened up many points I required to face and correct and I am grateful for being able to write myself to freedom.