Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Addiction and Me


There is no right or wrong only consequence - no matter what it is we participate in there will indeed be a consequence so I check my starting point and consider the consequence if my starting point is in self-honesty cool, if my starting point is self-dishonesty I stop, breathe and clear my starting point to prevent a consequence that is not best for all. So this is what I did regarding coffee.


I committed myself to stop drinking coffee for 21 days.


This is a list of reasons why:


-I felt I needed it

-I wanted it

-I desired it

-I thought I could not live without it

-I thought about it often

-I formed habits around it

-I feared letting it go

-I reacted to the idea of stopping and back-chatted about why it was unnecessary to stop

-I allowed it to control and direct me


I will not accept or allow limitation within and as me


When I joined the Desteni Forums over three years ago, I was addicted to many things and at the time I did not realize I was ‘actually’ addicted. I had not yet considered stopping myself from participating in these points and I watched a video by Osho about asking ourselves in every moment am I self-honest or am I self-dishonest? Regarding addictions I was self-dishonest so I took on the point and decided to stop but what took me by surprise is that stopping wasn't as simple as I thought and proved to be difficult because I had in fact formed an addiction/relationship with points such weed, smoking, shopping, drinking, sex ect…


What I’ve realized now after I have stopped these addictions is that I spited myself through existing within the acceptance of an idea that I had free will and free choice. I did as I pleased and no one or nothing could stop me from doing what it was that I wanted to do. Being what I perceived as “rebellious” and “free” only caused me to harm myself - I was on a fast track to a dead end road.


I abused myself and my body extensively and through this I diminished. My ego was so tremendous I did not care about anything or anyone as long as I had my way and my freedom of choice. I did not look at what I was doing to others or how my irresponsibility could cause harm to myself and others.


My participation in the Desteni “I” Process has supported me extensively and for this I am grateful. I do not know where I would be today without the support of my fellow Destonians. I have the tools to support myself to clearly see my own delusions and not only see what I’m doing but stop what I’m doing so that I can live an effective life and stand one and equal to all that I have allowed and accepted in self dishonesty and from here stand up to practically change me to accumulate what is best for all in self honesty through self-forgiveness, writing, breathing and correcting myself in and as the physical. Stopping addictions has been supportive for me in realizing I am here and here as breath I am effective - I cannot do anything sooner than a single breath at a time.


Check out these videos by Desteni Productions on You-Tube:

121 Self Freedom in 21 Days

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axT9TVFStyE&feature=channel_video_title


21 Days to Self Freedom Expounded – 4 count breathe explained http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSTkTU3JClM&feature=channel_video_title


Within stopping addictions I utilize the the four count breath especially in the moments when I would want to give up and give in – also this giving up and giving is was a clear indication of my participation in thoughts, therefore I bring myself here as breath, focus on myself as breath and stop thoughts. I have been able to support myself simply by breathing in the moment and this has been effective because I have proven it to myself that I can stop if I will myself to do so.


Writing myself to freedom has also been supportive in stopping addictions and has changed my life. Because it allows me to see what I am doing right in front of me on paper bringing all points here for me to face and deal with through self-forgiveness, in self-honesty and I set the stage for myself to correct myself to no longer accept or allow addiction, relationship ties, separation, limitation, self abuse and much more. Also 21 days can work as self support to support oneself to start something that is best for all, for instance a self commitment to vlog/blog for 21 days or breathing in awareness for 21 days ect... but for now I am only sharing my experiences regarding stopping addictions.


Applying myself for 21 days has been supportive for me and after applying myself for 21 days, I no longer desire what was once an addiction. Using addiction to divert my attention away from myself is self-dishonest, self-abusive and simply unacceptable. I used to use addiction as a crutch, an excuse and rather than being self-responsible I would utilize the point to avoid myself and excuse myself from my self-responsibility.


There were moments when I struggled because I participated in it for a longer period of time or I had given value to a point and gave my power away to it and formed a pattern around it. If I fell I simply restart my 21 days in a single breath without self judgment. If I fell on a point like I did with marijuana for instance it would become more difficult to stop the next time around, so it was a lesson I learned, one I realised the hard way in some cases but all in all a lesson I now apply as myself and I change me. I simply got to a point where I no longer accepted or allowed any bullshit from myself because I did not want to let myself down,I do this for myself as all as one as equal as life and I did not want to give up on a commitment I made to myself. And in this I build upon self-trust in every moment.


So to give some perspective on my experience in stopping, what I began to notice is a pattern of thoughts and no matter what the addiction, the thoughts that come up were similar. Firstly I make a commitment and decision to stop an addiction and almost immediately the back chat comes (mind chatter) I argue with myself in my mind, then I think about it, a point like marijuana for example and how great it is, then I try to reason with myself, or justify why I should have something that I need and desire and so on but I just keep breathing through it and just out load speak ‘No, this is not who I am, I will not accept or allow myself to participate in thoughts and then I apply self forgiveness e.g.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create back-chat to give up on what I have committed to


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in back-chat


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form an addiction through a relationship with something or someone


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to thoughts


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from something or someone and form ideas around points such as need, want, desire, lust, pleasure ect…


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tacitly imply that I lack something through participating in addiction and the ideas of need, want, desire, lust, pleasure ect…


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use addictions to get energy rather than remaining here as breath


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to thoughts, feelings and emotions


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use addiction in an attempt to divert my attention away from myself and my self-responsibility


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use addiction to abdicate my self-responsibility


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that I lack


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that I want


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that I need


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that I desire


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that I lust


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that I require pleasure form something or someone separate from me


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to thoughts, feelings and emotions

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow thoughts


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not considered the consequence of my ACTions and or inactions


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be spiteful


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to fear


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to ego and to think, believe and perceive that ego is who I really am


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself and others through participating in thoughts, feelings, emotions and addictions


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the dimishment of myself through participating in addictions and addictive behavior


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others for why I have allowed and accepted addictive behavior


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do what I want when I want no matter what the consequence


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as ego


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use drugs ect, to forget what I have done as an excuse to not hold myself accountable for what I have accepted and allowed through self dishonest in self abuse


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my body


-I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider my body as one and equal with and as me


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to harm my body


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to the mind consciousness system


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard my physical human body through participating in back-chat/thoughts/feelings emotions/memories


Addiction is self created and a pattern / entity formed through participation in thoughts, feelings and emotions over an extended period of time. The voices in the head are not actually me and can be stopped by breathing and being self-honest, standing, taking responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed and stop.


Back-chat does not have power over me unless I give my power away to it and if I set out to do something but do not stick to my resolve I will lose trust in myself and it is simply unacceptable and I will no longer allow or accept these points to accumulate to cause me to give up. I direct myself in the moment breath and stop.


The test comes back several times because it is a pattern I actively participated in for many years so in some cases it takes some time and patience to stop the habits I accepted and allowed myself to form, I have proven to myself that it is indeed possible to direct myself to no longer exist as patterns and just stop because I must. So if the mind chatter tried to rear it’s ugly head, I laugh a bit because it’s so predictable and can be stopped in a single breath and so I walk my 21 days breath by breath and simply remain here til I no longer have a single thought about the point and then it's done, I am no longer enslaved because I set myself free.


Every addiction that I have eliminated has caused me to solidify my stand in self-honesty and self trust. Self-trust was something I never had before and so it has been a gift I grant to myself by applying myself in every moment.

I no longer need things like drugs to hide from myself now I enjoy being vulnerable and intimate with me

It's been over a month now since I stopped drinking coffee, my next point to take on is sugar.

Give yourself the ultimate gift the gift of self-forgiveness, for support and to support yourself visit these websites below.

Check it out!

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://desteni.co.za/

http://equalmoney.org/

Enjoy!