Monday, February 28, 2011
Ok so I'm here listening to the sound of copy machines in the background and guy next to me smacking his gum - my ankle is sore - I keep getting phone calls today that are hang ups or the the wrong number - what is up with that? - For a moment I thought someone was keeping tabs on me and then I laughed and realised I was tricking myself because I'm not that important lol!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
I move my body almost exactly the same way my sibling and parents move. My facial expressions are especially similar to my siblings. Some of my body movements are exactly like my mom and others are exactly like my dads, now that I've written this out I also noticed that my mom and dads body movements are like their parents too. My cousins also move like their parents.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Ok - I am here the sound of the air conditioner in the background and the sound of my fingers hitting the keyboard keys, I have nothing to talk about in particular well, today I read around in the Desteni.co.za website articles and man they are fascinating and interesting and many times when I read the articles I see the same within me and it is recognizable as if it is me that actually experienced the event or events because it is so similar or I have experienced the same in a different manifestation, we are all the same and equal to what we accept and allow and we do not realise our oneness and how our life's are all pretty much the same, different pictures, thoughts, feelings, emotions, judgments, opinions, ideas, beliefs, knowledge, information, some more extensive then others, some beings exist on one side of the polarity and some on the other and some seem to exist as both synonymously but most of all just about no one is ever here bringing all parts of self here as breath as all as one as equal. I experience shame and regret for my forgetfulness as spite and spiting another as forgetfulness with no regard at all for what others may experience because of my careless irresponsible so called 'human nature' I hear that word often when I talk openly about an equal monetary system. I hear "Oh Deedra please, that will not work it just won't work because it goes against human nature - Really? What is human nature anyway? - human and nature look as though they are oxymoron's because as humans we usually destroy nature and what is here as nature as ourselves as our human physical bodies what is here as this physical existence all are in, well most don't thats the point most do not experience nature and are too busy with the hustle and bustle of every day survival to experience the physical always in the mind thinking, plotting, planning, scamming, scheming, searching for new ways to get rich quick -never considering our neighbors just moving quickly, thinking quickly, reacting quickly, trying to have a quick wit to seem as though more intelligent or more evolved then the next, but in this we miss the point, we miss what is here, we miss ourselves, we miss life and we neglect ourselves as life we neglect what is here in and as this physical reality and sometimes we even just want to exist in the mind as thoughts, finding ways to move on to another dimension or so called heaven or even hell and some want to be enlightened and others seek death as if it will give them life some want to become martyrs and others priests but still in all this we miss something so important what is here within and as the physical our own human physical bodies and this is in part why we when I bring up equality and oneness and equal money I hear but, but, it's not our nature it's not human nature to consider another and that is the 'excuse' I hear most often - because of human nature equal money will never work. and my response is, No that is not true, I will not accept or allow this any longer, I am a human being in this human physical body and so are you and I know that we require to stand up for and as life and to do whatever it takes to create a new monetary system so that abuse can and will be avoided so that people and animals won't have to endure suffering for no reason other then we couldn't come up with an agreement that is best for all, because we keep on giving ourselves the excuse that its 'human nature' I am a human and my nature is here as me within and as the physical within and as breath as all as one as equal as life and my nature and will is to do what is best for all that is here as one with me - this is an excuse beings tend to say to accept limitation and to allow what is here when they arrived as the way things are and the way they will always be but I just do not agree if one has a look around one will see clearly that what we are busy co-creating is a mess and NOTHING and NO ONE will stop this for us, we must stand up and stop ourselves from creating a place that is brutal, abusive, angry, shameful, toxic, a place beings want to flee from to such an extent they can not even consider another and just keep their heads in a book or books or try to meditate and sit on a pillow imagining they are not here with people who are starving, people who are in physical pain, plants being killed, animals that are abused so extensively, people can not even bear to watch when videos are shown to them exposing the abuse that exists in this world people say turn that OFF or turn away I CAN NOT watch THAT! Turn that off your sick for looking at that well guess what THAT is what we are and have accepted and allowed THAT is what we need to see and man there are only a few times in most peoples lives that are reading this when they actually see the brutal nature of man in effect but it happens everyday right now as I write this blog, extensive pain is being felt and I am not referring to emotions or feelings I am referring to physical pain, people are loosing it and are becoming full on demonic. When will we stop? When will we change? What has to take place in order for beings to get the message that NO ONE is coming on a cloud NO ONE is waiting for us somewhere out there no one is looking out for us, NO ONE is accountable for beings. There is NO GOD there is NO GOD we fucked ourselves on our own we have limited ourselves so extensively can you even fucking believe it? This realisation does not require a belief system or a story this requires simply looking outside and seeing the condition of the earth the sky the air hearing the screams and moans of children and adults hearing the squeal of animals in pain because of our brutality and our disregard and our so called dominion over animals we have dominated animals and not taken care of them as one with ourselves we have not taken care of nature and we have not supported nature or animals we have not given a flying fuck about anything or anyone but ourselves we only give a fuck about ourselves and now we have this mess to face and we HAVE to fix it because it is simply the responsibly of each and every single one of "us". Before I found Desteni and heard the beings coming through the portal I was devastated because I realized prior to finding Desteni that their just might not be a god but I was not devastated because I was not being self responsible and I was causing abuse I was devastated because I believed a lie and I manipulated myself into believing it and I was the lie but I still did not give a fuck about another I was still stuck in this mind bubble that I believed was me was real and was valid but I was still shattered and befuddled because I had nothing to hold onto nothing was stable I was not stable and my beliefs could not stablize me because they crumbled at my feet, I had defined myself by my beliefs and now that I had no more to believe in I thought to myself I may as well die after all I thought I was useless and meaningless but after finding Desteni I realized that I was the one I had been looking for all my life, I was searching and searching as if my baby was lost within a huge amusement park, I searched high I searched low I searched love, I searched light, I searched mysticism, I searched strangers, I searched money, I searched men, I searched and I searched and I searched and I searched my entire existence was one long timelooped search and after all of that I realised I am here - OMG I am fucking here. I am the one I have been searching for and the shame and regret I experienced was immense and the fear I experienced was as well because I realised now that not only was i 'hurting' myself but my self dishonesty was hurting others my abuse toward myself was also creating an outflow of abuse and pain and even agony in this world, rape, violence, war, hunger, starvation, eating disorders, animal cruelty, blindness, deafness, Man.. I disregarded myself all along, I disregarded myself and all along I had people with me in agreement with me that my belief systems were real because they so much wanted to know as did I that there was some just reason why all the shit that manifests in this world happens for some 'unknown' reason beyond us. WOW! I can not believe I did this and the regret I had and still have is immense but with the tools that are available at Desteni I have supported myself and have forgiven myself and continue to take responsiblity for what I have accepted and allowed and self honesty is something else Desteni suggests SELF HONESTY no one else's honesty no morality no rules - simply breathing, writing, self forgiveness, self honesty and self corrective action to stop and change and no longer exist as a program walking a preprogrammed "life path" no longer accepting or allowing myself to be asleep no longer accepting or allowing the idea that someone died for my sins because it is my responsibility to do what is best for all - I am here - I am a self willed equal join us at Desteni and wake up before it is too late find out how to stop - It is time to pop a bubble.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Yesterday I was in a slump since the moment I awoke and I allowed myself to be in a state of depression the entire day. My starting point as soon as I woke up for the day was that it was my last day off prior to my long seven day work week ahead and I needed to 'relax' to prepare and I had nowhere to be because it was my day off, So when I woke up I immediately began to think instead of breath here and act.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
I read an article today in my local news paper about how Sandia National Laboratories supported a country with transporting 'spent fuel' and because of the labs help apparently we are safer in the world. Now we can safely ship waste, not just any waste - nuclear waste. Waste we have created to kill and destroy - let's give ourselves a pat on the back why don't we? Is this true development?
What would give me a sense of comfort is knowing that we have an equal money system in place to prevent these types of epic fuck ups and also knowing that we are ALL doing everything we can to make a better world for children and the children to come and for all that is here on this earth. Children should not have to suffer the consequences of our action or inaction due to the fact that so many are not willing to be self honest with regards to what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become one and equal to.
We are all on this planet sharing the same air, under the same sun, how come so many people do not recognize equality as the only solution? 1+1=2
The things we have accepted and allowed in this world are a shame, this story is manipulative and it may be unintentional because we have simply allowed this type of stuff for such a long time, so many do not recognize the starting point was that of separation.
This article only shows a temporary solution to clean the mess of our manifested self dishonesty but does not share the solution of how to prevent this from happening in the first place or ever again. I do not feel safer because the real problem is not being seen dealt with or resolved. Now what is the true nitty gritty problem we have on our hands here? It is the current money system as it exists because it was founded on self interest, inequality, winners and losers.
Stories like these just won't take place within an equal money system - We of course still have to walk the manifested consequence of what we already co-created accepted and allowed but once we have walked it through in a new equal money system I see an end to all this absolute none sense.
We don't need bombs!
We need the basics to survive food, water, shelter, clothing, education and within an equal money system the basic needs of all will be provided - We can work together as equals.
It fascinates me all the effort time and money put forth to kill eachother, this is a clear physical reflection of the inner war and madness we exist as, as human beings in separation. It is fine time to be self honest and forgive ourSELF unconditionally and correct what needs correcting and begin here as breath to do what is best for all in all ways so that we can actually enjoy ourselves on this earth and stop fighting, stop the inner wars, stop the spitefulness that creates catastrophes such as war, violence, pain, physical deformities, the diminishment of ourselves as life.
Wars are fought over resources to get money to then have 'power', because of course beings have such an immense fear of loss that they will go great lengths and risk the death of millions to maintain a sense of so called 'security' for themselves ONLY. What a mess.
People go to great lengths to have more money then the next guy, ruler or president ect...
Some say that war is not about money and that it is about power, if you have a look money=power and people use this power to control the movement of money, so that money will always remain in the hands of a few so that they can swap it back and forth and think that this is how they can remain 'safe' but the starting point is fear. This is not real power by any means. We have programmed ourselves throughout our live's that there are always winners and losers, 'survival of the fittest' - In many instances when I've mentioned an equal money system beings can not even fathom equality because of all the programming that has been accepted and allowed and blinded the eyes of many who will not even consider equality and not realize that equality is the only solution we have. Within giving unconditionally to another 'equal money' each will benefit. When did equality become taboo? If you react to equal money and world equality take note of just how much you have allowed yourself to diminish.
We are always equal to what we accept and allow ourselves to be and become why not be equal to and as life here within and as the physical.
Equal money will be a point within which beings can drop the veil that anyone can 'own' anything in this world, everything is provided to us by the earth it is not ours everything belongs to the earth.
A starting point of greed, fear, self interest and the current money system has caused many to become deaf and blind to what is real - the physical. The earth sustains all, plants, water, animals, everything we require is already here, so why have we created a stumbling block to prevent all to have unconditional access to the NECESSARY resources required for survival, such as food, clothes, water, shelter education, ect.
Equal money for all is the only solution within which to bring about equality to this world. Money is not evil it is our starting point within it - money is a tool that can be used to transfer goods and why not it be equal for all?
We disregard life just like we have disregarded nuclear waste but there is always a consequence. Either we do this peacefully if that is 'possible' considering all the pain and suffering taking place at this very moment but as 'peacefully' as we can at this point and change ourselves and exist here in and as the physical and stop existing in the mind just looking for ways to win, and acquire money - we have diminished ourselves so extensively and we must stop. Til here no further.
Equality is real love - I stand for and as a solution and will do what is best for all and I am one of many that can do this simple mathematical equation 1+1=2 can you?
Support life be 1 vote for world equality and an equal money system.
Join us - If you care, if you dare... EqualMoney.org, DesteniIprocess, Desteni.co.za
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
In the local news today a I read that banker was robbed at gun point, police caught the 'suspect'
Monday, February 7, 2011
I was busy writing and rewriting a blog for the the past two hours it was entitled:
Friday, February 4, 2011
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be forgetful about what is important because I allowed myself to create and follow thoughts
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing limitation within and as me by allowing forgetfulness to exist
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in the mind therefore being subjected to polarity manifestations of the mind consciousness system remembrance/forgetfulness because I was not here as breath self directive in every moment
as breath here I remain - I bring all parts of myself here and do not require to remember because it is all as me here as presence within and as self honesty
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to thoughts
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in energy
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to remain constant and consistent within my application
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take mySELF seriously
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about a solution to stop the gloominess I experience
I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to support myself in every moment of breath
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself wait for something fucked up to happen before I will face myself
I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to direct myself within and as every moment of breath to do what is best for all in all ways always
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about what a pain it will be to redo all my self forgiveness' because I was not effective the first time
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the thought, even if for a moment that I may not make it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing doubt to exist in me about what I am able to do
I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to be specific within my application and for not caring about myself enough to be specific within constantly and continuously applying myself within specificity to do what is best for all in every moment of breath
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a dream like state and not consider the physical as what is here as me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make a mockery of myself through not applying myself effectively
I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to apply myself to live as an example in every moment to accumulate all parts of self within and as what is best for all
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have future projections
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and limited to memories
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that because of who i've been that I am now limited and this is all I am capable of becoming
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought that because of the diminishment I have allowed within myself I do not deserve to birth myself as life from the physical
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be self dishonest and not take self responsiblity for what I have allowed myself to be and become
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a thought such as that to diminish me
I no longer accept or allow anything less then who I am as life here within and as the physical as all that exists as one with me
I no longer accept or allow myself to think about breathing
I no longer accept or allow outside events or pain to have to manifest before I will face myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be moved by outside events or pain only and for not being the self directive principle of and as me
I face myself here in every moment
I not longer accept or allow any excuse from myself or another as me
I do not accept or allow myself to abuse myself
I do not accept or allow abuse in and of this world
I am here, I express, I breathe, I correct myself, I direct
I do what is best for all and I will do what is necessary to be done to bring about an equal money system and equality and oneness through the accumulation of 1+1 within and as common sense
I no longer accept limitation - til here no further
I no longer accept or allow myself to exist in the mind as thoughts - I stop I support me unconditionally - I will no longer accept myself to be separate from life
I accept myself unconditionally as what I have become and I direct myself to change and embrace change I reprogram myself to be one and equal to all that exists
I remain here as life
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
I was in a car wreck yesterday. I was to work until 5:30pm my co-worker asked my manager if it was possible that we all (meaning the staff) get off of work around 3pm due to the weather the roads were icy and we did not want to be in a position that would be unsafe or be unable to get home. My boss said he would ask the other people he required to report to and get back to us. We were to hear something by 2pm but we never did and I noticed none of the staff was leaving early so I figured we didn't get approved to leave early. I did call to check up 2 times but I did not get an answer, I did not know really what I should do at that point because I did not want to leave and then get in trouble and lose my job but I knew that there was a good chance I would be fucked if I was stuck in a storm in my car. Also I did not really want to leave early because my hours have been cut because business is slow but I knew it made the most sense to just leave as soon as I could to assure I would be safe. So finally at around 4:10pm I got an e-mail from my boss saying - go ahead and take off. I experienced a bit of blame because I felt in that moment that he was acting as if he was doing me a favor. Anyway I left it was cold a fuck outside and snowing and the roads were quite slick and icy. It was scary driving home my drive home is 30mins so it was quite a task inching by sliding the whole way there and then we got to this point where a steep hill presented itself and cops had shut down the road that is when I started to get very pissed off at my boss and my boss's go to guy for approval I thought those assholes do not give a fuck about me or anyone working there. WTF I can not believe that this happened and then I recalled my commitment to no back chat and also not thinking or saying things that I wouldnt be willing to say to everyone so I spoke sf and decided to take what came in stride. But there were people slipping and sliding all over the road near accidents and accidents every few miles i mean even in one mile of road you would see maybe 1-2 people stalled out and maybe a wreck and back ups so I was getting quick scared, unfortunetly the road block did not have an alternative because it was just closed before I got there so there was a detour to nowhere really so everyone was circling around trying to find a way southwest but there was no open outlet so it was a huge cluster fuck on ice and I did not have a phone because I hate carrying my cell phone so I definately learned my lesson next time I will bring a phone anywhere I go. Finally I get to a place that seemed like an option and but for about 20mins I just slide and slide and was getting nowhere. I began to get anxious, I was focused on my breath I think It was too late because I could not get a steady constant breath, I felt as if i had to take very deep breaths to just stop the nervousness, I was fearful that I was so afraid that I would cause a wreck, finally somehow I began moving again and turned back because I knew I could not make it up any hill even the tiniest ones so I was going to make a right turn and when I did I realised I was sliding and to prevent sliding into a light pole I went into the opposite side of the road and hit a car waiting to turn. It happened in slow motion but fast I was so scared, I was not present I didn't respond well I could have honked or done something but instead I just clenched the steering wheel and pressed the brake but that did not help because I just slide right into him. So we exchanged info and then I was really concered because I felt like I was fucked, no phone, no man, no way to get home it was 14 degrees outside and my car was wrecked. So I don't know why I went into such detail about this point, I guess just to see it for myself because I do have a bit of fear now about driving and also there is a bitter part of me toward my boss and the system and I know it is pointless because it is here as me this also delays my plans because its going to cost quite a bit of money to fix it. I feel defeated a bit. I also managed to sprain my ankle twice within an hour when I was in Texas and it's swollen and hurts. I know my fear of hitting someone or getting in a wreck manifested. I could have prevented it if I was here - it was quite a test to be in a stressful and dangerous situation and remain here unfortunately I failed myself - I'm going to stop writing here because I am just whining and I won't allow myself to continue going in that direction. I will drink water and breath. I will be back when I get out of this place I am at and write the necessary self forgiveness.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Ok so this is in reference to Cerise's blog she suggested to 'give it up!' and not say one word that I am not willing to say in front of any person...