Monday, February 28, 2011

Pain 2

I have a sprained my right ankle, I sprained it the first time while I was in another state walking along a sidewalk and there was this huge crack in it and my shoes were too big, it was painful and I was scared because I was away from home and no doctor available, I sprained it again just as hard about half an hour later at a French restaurant in the restroom, I heard this women over the house speakers and she was giving lessons on how to speak French she was teaching the French word for 'agreement'.

I did a good job nursing my ankle back to 'health' and I was quite pleased with how well I did - and guess what? Two weeks after my first two injuries I tripped again on what seems like air and all over again it was swollen and hurting - damn it! wtf! What a klutz' I thought to myself and had an emotional reaction that of sadness and anger toward myself for not standing stable, for not being here and for accepting and allowing thoughts of limitation and fear. I was angry at myself for putting my body through this, and it was just starting to get better now its swollen and hurting again. I still have not gone to see a doctor, the last time I went to the doctor I went because my throat was hurting and I was told it was because I was not voicing myself, but instead of investigating why it was hurting exactly and taking responsibility for it I decided to go to the doctor and after she checked me she said 'Deedra nothing is wrong with you...' I was thinking WTF lady something IS wrong with me, my throat hurts like fuck. I said is there anything I can do she said it might be allergies but I dont even see any redness in your throat. I think she thought I was making it all up. So I decided to get self honest I started to look at my world and my participation and behavior and I wasn't saying out load when something came up that bothered me I would just hold it in and then believe that I had no right to speak up, so I began to just speak up more and stand up for myself because the pain in my throat was bad and I wanted it to end and it did.

I've been reading Veno's Structural Resonance documents on the forum they are supportive now I require to support myself and walk the correction.

I will be regularly updating these blogs regarding my body because as I investigate and walk these it takes time.
Thanks for reading.

Pain 1

Ok so I'm here listening to the sound of copy machines in the background and guy next to me smacking his gum - my ankle is sore - I keep getting phone calls today that are hang ups or the the wrong number - what is up with that? - For a moment I thought someone was keeping tabs on me and then I laughed and realised I was tricking myself because I'm not that important lol!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if someone was keeping tabs on me I would be considered important
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that someone may be out to get me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be paranoid
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear when I get multiple wrong number phone calls or hang ups that someone is up to no good
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make something out to be more then it is - People calling with the wrong number or people just hanging up I don't have to create an idea about it or form a judgement
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow thoughts and make judgments or come up with ideas as to why I kept getting hang ups or wrong numbers
I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to fear trusting others because I fear trusting myself

So, I have been experiencing quite a bit of pain throughout my body
I will list them for myself in order from first to last

right wrist and right elbow - simultaneously
right ankle, sprained 3 times
neck, upper shoulder, upper back - Simultaneously
left thumb
outer thighs, both sides - feel bruised

My thumb and ankle are the most prominent and consistent

I'm not sure if I have carpel tunnel syndrome or if I'm just worried I do because my mom had it:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the worst case scenario and assume I may in fact have carpel tunnel syndrome because my mom had it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will have all of the ailments that my parents have or have had
I forgive my self for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I couldn't find a job with health insurance I won't be able to get surgery for my carpel tunnel, if that is what it is
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a starting point of and as fear
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having health insurance
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having access to health insurance and at the same time not move myself to do everything in my 'power' to make a better world for all no matter what it takes
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to fear as an excuse to not stand up
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be self dishonest and for make excuses
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be spiteful
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as ego and to allow and accept ego to have power over me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself in an attempt to maintain a certain level of superiority in my world and control
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing control and to fear that if I can not control my environment that I will be put in a vulnerable position that I wont like
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive I can control anything or the future
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear vulnerability
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being alone
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear depending on others
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear receiving unconditional support without giving something in return, thus I forgive myself for not standing equal to all and for considering myself equal and one to and as support
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that if someone supports me that I will be forever indebted
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the separation of myself through accepting and allowing myself to go into morality
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give value to anything considered moral because morality is based on polarity manifestations and not what is real in fact
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of morality because then I will be walking the unknown
I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to stand equal to all that exists as me here

My right wrist and elbow hurt often and I notice it primarily after I've been typing for long periods of time, I also notice the pain when I go into the mind and become possessed by a point or when I've accepted and allowed myself to participate in self judgment- I have noticed the self judgement I experience is not as extensive as before and I do not give it attention but it is still comes up, I direct the point as myself and stop my participation through breathing and speaking self forgiveness and self corrective statements aloud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create self abusive thoughts
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form a pattern of self abuse through accepting and allowing myself to judge myself
I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to embrace and love myself unconditionally

I will stop here and continue the rest in my next blog. I had no clue this would be this long :)

Thanks for reading.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

DIY Body System-Drilling

DIY Body System-Drilling

Friday, February 25, 2011

"Refuse To Remain Quite"

So I write... I have been slacking off on blogging - I was told that someone was reading my blog and ever since that day I subconsciously or unconsciously maybe stopped and I did not go into guilt about stopping either, I justified it by saying I was so busy and working very hard and making excuses as to why it wasn't necessary for me to blog and one day led to two and two to three and then five full days later I decided fuck I better get to it.

I read in on the desteni forum a post that Bernard made and it simply said - "refuse to remain quiet" and I reacted because I was doing just that, remaining quiet and then I looked at the point and thought to myself well shucks, I am busy and I don't have anything to speak about, even after reading that supportive post I still allowed myself to remain quiet for a few more days and then I made a "surfacy" blog yesterday just to put one out because I knew it was necessary -I have committed to writing daily and I am fully aware that I was fucking with myself through accepting and allowing limitation through listening to mind chatter and for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by thoughts.

I have heard of ghost writers but rarely ghost readers it's cool I'm grateful people read my blog and maybe I can be of some support through assisting and supporting myself to do what must be done, do what I say I will do and stick to my guns about it - stand up for myself in every moment of breath.

In my life I have perpetually allowed myself to give up and give in and and not take things seriously, not take myself seriously. I've been inclined to do things somewhat half heartedly, I just did - I do not really know why though - I don't know when this began but if I recall it was early on, I think at some point I became insecure and that was at a tender age. I do not know what caused this insecure / inferiority I experienced but it almost seems like its always been here, maybe I thought I was special and that for some strange reason I didn't have to and I usually used the excuse that I wasn't good enough or that I couldn't or tried to bullshit my way out of any type of commitment or responsibility, being in process I challenge all the programming I have existed as for my entire life and I suppose it's not so much of a challenge as it is a letting go of and directing myself and just changing and never accepting or allowing myself to look back or to fall back into old system designs because through applying self forgiveness I have realised these are just ideas that I have of myself and I can simply stop my participation. Keeping this 'entity' alive by thinking about why I am not good enough is self dishonesty. The other day in chat on the forum Kristina said "Push past the idea of yourself Deedra - Self trust" - in that moment I went inside myself like a curling up inside myself and I could hear the mind's back chat saying but, but no this is me though, you don't understand,,, I can't do what you guys do and then I realized if I were to accept that and spew out what the mind says then I would just be stuck within that same vicious cycle endlessly and I actually cried a bit as soon as she said that and thats a point of manipulation I have used in the past to get what I want or rather get out of doing things and in trying to prove that the limitations I have accepted and allowed for so long are indeed valid but it is self dishonest and so I just replied with I will do my best and I will fuck it. I will myself because I am a self willed EQUAL, I trust myself, I love myself, I accept myself unconditionally and I correct myself and stand and do what is best for all and I will not accept or allow limitations within and as me, it is unacceptable to make excuses for myself or to listen to the mind chatter because that has proven to be poisonous and I am the one accepting and allowing the poison to be created in the first place so I stop this behavior because I simply do not accept or allow myself to abuse myself. Til here no further.

Thanks Kristina I appreciate the support and assistance

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to remain quiet

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to slack off and justify why I have allowed limitation within and as me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that I am limited

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to care and worry about what other people think about me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be embarrassed about my writing ability

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to automatically assume that whoever reads my blog that is not in process will judge it, judge me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thinking and for creating and following thoughts of inferiority

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe my mind and to believe that I am inferior or too busy or have nothing to say

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others and then place myself as inferior, primarily I do this with women

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to women and then go into inferiority because I have accepted the idea of myself as inferior

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself through participating in the mind consciousness systems as thoughts, feelings, emotions, ideas, beliefs, polarities, secrets, back chat, fear, perceptions, and judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this idea to move direct and control me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to the idea that I am inferior

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing separation within and as me through existing as energy +/-

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as superiority

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be stuck as energy between both polarities inferiority/superiority because I was not willing to stand equal to all that exists as me here within and as breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project superiority because I am attempting to cover up the experience of myself as inferiority

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing self compromise through accepting and allowing limitation with and as me and for existing in the mind as thoughts charged as either +/-

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in the mind as thoughts and not live here within and as the physical but only as a system due to accepted and allowed participation in polarity manifestations of the mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be self dishonest

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to what someone said to me

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to direct myself, move myself, write and share myself unconditionally as all as one as equal as life

I am here

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Body Language - Body Movements

Now that I have been walking my process and I am here, I am aware of my human physical body and have noticed in my vlogs that my body movements are pre-programmed and not self expression equal and one.

I move my body almost exactly the same way my sibling and parents move. My facial expressions are especially similar to my siblings. Some of my body movements are exactly like my mom and others are exactly like my dads, now that I've written this out I also noticed that my mom and dads body movements are like their parents too. My cousins also move like their parents.

I talk with my hands a lot and I find this to be related to cultural programming. Another point is when I hear my own voice it sounds similar to my sibling, cousins and aunts. There have been times when I got my cousins voice mixed up over the phone or been confused about whether or not it was their mother I was speaking to because they all sounded so similar.

I was aware of my body movements and eye movements but not so much my facial expressions and hand movements - I have always been fascinated by body language - I enjoy dancing and physical work and when I heard at Desteni that even our body movements are pre-programmed it fascinated me and I could see for myself that yes this is true. So now when I dance I also notice that the way in which I move and have been moving this entire time was all pre-programmed and not self expression at all. I thought my dance moves were 'unique' LOL!

I wonder now though if say for instance a child is separated from their parents at birth if they would still move in the same way their parents do? I will also investigate this point.

The tonalities I use are also due to cultural programming - I hear the same tonalities in other people of the same race as me and what comes across is a soft, caring, motherly, almost inferior sound, like self sacrificing, overly nice it is high in the middle of a phrase for instance with some softness to it and drawn out at the end. I've heard this in both males and females with the same or similar background to my own.

Within viewing myself in vlogs I can tell that when I speak certain words that I have placed value on and limited to polarity +/- I make a particular face along with it and it is programming not actual self expression because self expression is not limited to polarity manifestations. An example is when I have a perception about something and speak about it I tend to squint my eyes and sometimes I notice my eyes get watery when I laugh or am expressing 'happiness'

I also enjoy watching videos about body language regarding how to present myself as assertive or in control in order to be more successful in business. I see now that there are ways we program each other simply by the way we move and sound. There are mulitiple mico-expressions that I am starting to take note of and now when I engage in conversations with people or make vlogs I am much more aware of my facial expressions and body in general.

This has been fun, interesting and fascinating to investigate and I will blog more on what I realize now that I am becoming more aware of myself as my body equal and one.

Oh one more thing, I have even noticed that this type of programming is existent in my cats haha, so animals are also pre-programmed to move in particular ways.

And no matter what country one is from or what language one speaks facial expressions are universal.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Self Awareness

Ok - I am here the sound of the air conditioner in the background and the sound of my fingers hitting the keyboard keys, I have nothing to talk about in particular well, today I read around in the website articles and man they are fascinating and interesting and many times when I read the articles I see the same within me and it is recognizable as if it is me that actually experienced the event or events because it is so similar or I have experienced the same in a different manifestation, we are all the same and equal to what we accept and allow and we do not realise our oneness and how our life's are all pretty much the same, different pictures, thoughts, feelings, emotions, judgments, opinions, ideas, beliefs, knowledge, information, some more extensive then others, some beings exist on one side of the polarity and some on the other and some seem to exist as both synonymously but most of all just about no one is ever here bringing all parts of self here as breath as all as one as equal. I experience shame and regret for my forgetfulness as spite and spiting another as forgetfulness with no regard at all for what others may experience because of my careless irresponsible so called 'human nature' I hear that word often when I talk openly about an equal monetary system. I hear "Oh Deedra please, that will not work it just won't work because it goes against human nature - Really? What is human nature anyway? - human and nature look as though they are oxymoron's because as humans we usually destroy nature and what is here as nature as ourselves as our human physical bodies what is here as this physical existence all are in, well most don't thats the point most do not experience nature and are too busy with the hustle and bustle of every day survival to experience the physical always in the mind thinking, plotting, planning, scamming, scheming, searching for new ways to get rich quick -never considering our neighbors just moving quickly, thinking quickly, reacting quickly, trying to have a quick wit to seem as though more intelligent or more evolved then the next, but in this we miss the point, we miss what is here, we miss ourselves, we miss life and we neglect ourselves as life we neglect what is here in and as this physical reality and sometimes we even just want to exist in the mind as thoughts, finding ways to move on to another dimension or so called heaven or even hell and some want to be enlightened and others seek death as if it will give them life some want to become martyrs and others priests but still in all this we miss something so important what is here within and as the physical our own human physical bodies and this is in part why we when I bring up equality and oneness and equal money I hear but, but, it's not our nature it's not human nature to consider another and that is the 'excuse' I hear most often - because of human nature equal money will never work. and my response is, No that is not true, I will not accept or allow this any longer, I am a human being in this human physical body and so are you and I know that we require to stand up for and as life and to do whatever it takes to create a new monetary system so that abuse can and will be avoided so that people and animals won't have to endure suffering for no reason other then we couldn't come up with an agreement that is best for all, because we keep on giving ourselves the excuse that its 'human nature' I am a human and my nature is here as me within and as the physical within and as breath as all as one as equal as life and my nature and will is to do what is best for all that is here as one with me - this is an excuse beings tend to say to accept limitation and to allow what is here when they arrived as the way things are and the way they will always be but I just do not agree if one has a look around one will see clearly that what we are busy co-creating is a mess and NOTHING and NO ONE will stop this for us, we must stand up and stop ourselves from creating a place that is brutal, abusive, angry, shameful, toxic, a place beings want to flee from to such an extent they can not even consider another and just keep their heads in a book or books or try to meditate and sit on a pillow imagining they are not here with people who are starving, people who are in physical pain, plants being killed, animals that are abused so extensively, people can not even bear to watch when videos are shown to them exposing the abuse that exists in this world people say turn that OFF or turn away I CAN NOT watch THAT! Turn that off your sick for looking at that well guess what THAT is what we are and have accepted and allowed THAT is what we need to see and man there are only a few times in most peoples lives that are reading this when they actually see the brutal nature of man in effect but it happens everyday right now as I write this blog, extensive pain is being felt and I am not referring to emotions or feelings I am referring to physical pain, people are loosing it and are becoming full on demonic. When will we stop? When will we change? What has to take place in order for beings to get the message that NO ONE is coming on a cloud NO ONE is waiting for us somewhere out there no one is looking out for us, NO ONE is accountable for beings. There is NO GOD there is NO GOD we fucked ourselves on our own we have limited ourselves so extensively can you even fucking believe it? This realisation does not require a belief system or a story this requires simply looking outside and seeing the condition of the earth the sky the air hearing the screams and moans of children and adults hearing the squeal of animals in pain because of our brutality and our disregard and our so called dominion over animals we have dominated animals and not taken care of them as one with ourselves we have not taken care of nature and we have not supported nature or animals we have not given a flying fuck about anything or anyone but ourselves we only give a fuck about ourselves and now we have this mess to face and we HAVE to fix it because it is simply the responsibly of each and every single one of "us". Before I found Desteni and heard the beings coming through the portal I was devastated because I realized prior to finding Desteni that their just might not be a god but I was not devastated because I was not being self responsible and I was causing abuse I was devastated because I believed a lie and I manipulated myself into believing it and I was the lie but I still did not give a fuck about another I was still stuck in this mind bubble that I believed was me was real and was valid but I was still shattered and befuddled because I had nothing to hold onto nothing was stable I was not stable and my beliefs could not stablize me because they crumbled at my feet, I had defined myself by my beliefs and now that I had no more to believe in I thought to myself I may as well die after all I thought I was useless and meaningless but after finding Desteni I realized that I was the one I had been looking for all my life, I was searching and searching as if my baby was lost within a huge amusement park, I searched high I searched low I searched love, I searched light, I searched mysticism, I searched strangers, I searched money, I searched men, I searched and I searched and I searched and I searched my entire existence was one long timelooped search and after all of that I realised I am here - OMG I am fucking here. I am the one I have been searching for and the shame and regret I experienced was immense and the fear I experienced was as well because I realised now that not only was i 'hurting' myself but my self dishonesty was hurting others my abuse toward myself was also creating an outflow of abuse and pain and even agony in this world, rape, violence, war, hunger, starvation, eating disorders, animal cruelty, blindness, deafness, Man.. I disregarded myself all along, I disregarded myself and all along I had people with me in agreement with me that my belief systems were real because they so much wanted to know as did I that there was some just reason why all the shit that manifests in this world happens for some 'unknown' reason beyond us. WOW! I can not believe I did this and the regret I had and still have is immense but with the tools that are available at Desteni I have supported myself and have forgiven myself and continue to take responsiblity for what I have accepted and allowed and self honesty is something else Desteni suggests SELF HONESTY no one else's honesty no morality no rules - simply breathing, writing, self forgiveness, self honesty and self corrective action to stop and change and no longer exist as a program walking a preprogrammed "life path" no longer accepting or allowing myself to be asleep no longer accepting or allowing the idea that someone died for my sins because it is my responsibility to do what is best for all - I am here - I am a self willed equal join us at Desteni and wake up before it is too late find out how to stop - It is time to pop a bubble.

Bubbles & The Theory of Everything PART I

Introduction to Desteni part 1 - DesteniProductions - Annotations added Dec 2010

Monday, February 14, 2011

Not Sleeping but Still Not Awake

Yesterday I was in a slump since the moment I awoke and I allowed myself to be in a state of depression the entire day. My starting point as soon as I woke up for the day was that it was my last day off prior to my long seven day work week ahead and I needed to 'relax' to prepare and I had nowhere to be because it was my day off, So when I woke up I immediately began to think instead of breath here and act.

Within this self dishonest starting point I created the outflow of tiredness and laziness and I was thinking so much that I got depressed, in moments throughout the day I wanted to cry my eyes out but I did not allow myself to go there because I knew it was no use and would not be supportive for me. I told myself I don't have time to cry and crying never solved anything and I knew it wasn't a point of crying as a release as self support because I knew in order to cry I would require to think and actually make myself get in a state of sadness where I had to actually direct myself to cry by participating in 'sad' thoughts. So I didn't cry because I saw that it would be self-manipulation and me just feeling sorry for myself and unacceptable.

I still had not dealt with the heaviness and this experience of overall exhaustion, I just moped around and I noticed an interesting thing - I had a strong desire for sex and it was also in part due to pictures that were formed in my mind due to not participating in the physical so that was a bit odd and almost scary to recognize just what happens when I am not here and in my mind. My mind goes to thoughts about sex when I am not here and in a state of 'depression' or 'boredom' so I deleted the pictures and spoke self forgiveness and self corrective statements.

I now had to take responsibility for myself and direct myself and stop allowing myself to wallow around the house, so that is what I did, I started to cook and clean and also make a vlog and so that was cool because it was simple to make and effective and self supportive because I wasn't sitting around giving my power away to the mind or making the mind more important then what is here in and as the physical. Today when I woke up I did what Sunette suggested I breathed in and stretched out my arms moved my legs and got right up and directed myself to move here in and as the physical and not spend any time in the mind thinking.

I did notice a slight sluggishness and also my eyes were very red and my right eye felt like it wanted to shut like it wanted to stay closed and asleep so I kept rubbing it and looking into it but nothing was stuck in there and so I decided to have some water lots of it, my eye is back to normal now but I just wanted to note this and also write it out so I can refer to Veno's Structural Resonance documents on the website so that I can investigate what the right eye means and see how that correlates to my experience.

here is the vlog I made - enjoy!


Thursday, February 10, 2011


I read an article today in my local news paper about how Sandia National Laboratories supported a country with transporting 'spent fuel' and because of the labs help apparently we are safer in the world. Now we can safely ship waste, not just any waste - nuclear waste. Waste we have created to kill and destroy - let's give ourselves a pat on the back why don't we? Is this true development?

What would give me a sense of comfort is knowing that we have an equal money system in place to prevent these types of epic fuck ups and also knowing that we are ALL doing everything we can to make a better world for children and the children to come and for all that is here on this earth. Children should not have to suffer the consequences of our action or inaction due to the fact that so many are not willing to be self honest with regards to what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become one and equal to.

We are all on this planet sharing the same air, under the same sun, how come so many people do not recognize equality as the only solution? 1+1=2

The things we have accepted and allowed in this world are a shame, this story is manipulative and it may be unintentional because we have simply allowed this type of stuff for such a long time, so many do not recognize the starting point was that of separation.

This article only shows a temporary solution to clean the mess of our manifested self dishonesty but does not share the solution of how to prevent this from happening in the first place or ever again. I do not feel safer because the real problem is not being seen dealt with or resolved. Now what is the true nitty gritty problem we have on our hands here? It is the current money system as it exists because it was founded on self interest, inequality, winners and losers.

Stories like these just won't take place within an equal money system - We of course still have to walk the manifested consequence of what we already co-created accepted and allowed but once we have walked it through in a new equal money system I see an end to all this absolute none sense.

We don't need bombs!

We need the basics to survive food, water, shelter, clothing, education and within an equal money system the basic needs of all will be provided - We can work together as equals.

It fascinates me all the effort time and money put forth to kill eachother, this is a clear physical reflection of the inner war and madness we exist as, as human beings in separation. It is fine time to be self honest and forgive ourSELF unconditionally and correct what needs correcting and begin here as breath to do what is best for all in all ways so that we can actually enjoy ourselves on this earth and stop fighting, stop the inner wars, stop the spitefulness that creates catastrophes such as war, violence, pain, physical deformities, the diminishment of ourselves as life.

Wars are fought over resources to get money to then have 'power', because of course beings have such an immense fear of loss that they will go great lengths and risk the death of millions to maintain a sense of so called 'security' for themselves ONLY. What a mess.

People go to great lengths to have more money then the next guy, ruler or president ect...

Some say that war is not about money and that it is about power, if you have a look money=power and people use this power to control the movement of money, so that money will always remain in the hands of a few so that they can swap it back and forth and think that this is how they can remain 'safe' but the starting point is fear. This is not real power by any means. We have programmed ourselves throughout our live's that there are always winners and losers, 'survival of the fittest' - In many instances when I've mentioned an equal money system beings can not even fathom equality because of all the programming that has been accepted and allowed and blinded the eyes of many who will not even consider equality and not realize that equality is the only solution we have. Within giving unconditionally to another 'equal money' each will benefit. When did equality become taboo? If you react to equal money and world equality take note of just how much you have allowed yourself to diminish.

We are always equal to what we accept and allow ourselves to be and become why not be equal to and as life here within and as the physical.

Equal money will be a point within which beings can drop the veil that anyone can 'own' anything in this world, everything is provided to us by the earth it is not ours everything belongs to the earth.

A starting point of greed, fear, self interest and the current money system has caused many to become deaf and blind to what is real - the physical. The earth sustains all, plants, water, animals, everything we require is already here, so why have we created a stumbling block to prevent all to have unconditional access to the NECESSARY resources required for survival, such as food, clothes, water, shelter education, ect.

Equal money for all is the only solution within which to bring about equality to this world. Money is not evil it is our starting point within it - money is a tool that can be used to transfer goods and why not it be equal for all?

We disregard life just like we have disregarded nuclear waste but there is always a consequence. Either we do this peacefully if that is 'possible' considering all the pain and suffering taking place at this very moment but as 'peacefully' as we can at this point and change ourselves and exist here in and as the physical and stop existing in the mind just looking for ways to win, and acquire money - we have diminished ourselves so extensively and we must stop. Til here no further.

Equality is real love - I stand for and as a solution and will do what is best for all and I am one of many that can do this simple mathematical equation 1+1=2 can you?

Support life be 1 vote for world equality and an equal money system.

Join us - If you care, if you dare..., DesteniIprocess,

To read the full article mentioned, click below.

Thank you

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

What is true robbery?

In the local news today a I read that banker was robbed at gun point, police caught the 'suspect'

I had a look at what the starting point that a person might have where in which robbing a bank at gunpoint is an option.

Let's say the 'robber' doesn't give a fuck about anyone else's life, well maybe he at the very least cared about his own or maybe not because the 'robber' not only risked his life he also risked the life of many others for example bank employees, bystanders, police officers, children. This is quite a weighty risk, let's say he at the very least least ends up in jail and has to spend a good amount of his life in jail that is still quite a shitty option - Is all of THAT really worth it? It is for many this is the so called "free choice" people have.

Not to mention the implications of sending people to jail for committing crimes such as these and now the 'tax payers' 'money' is used to feed and house the so called 'criminal' - it is a fascinating fuck up.

The robber may have done it for drug money or it may have been for survival, either way in an Equal Money System story's like these will be nearly obsolete and could be prevented by providing all with income to cover their basic needs from birth to death.

Bank tellers risk their lives daily as do police officers, drug dealers, druggies, thieves and they all for one thing -Money - It just depends which side of the coin one happens to be on.

I am not implying that we give money to people for drugs, but drug dealers sell drugs to obtain money and the majority of drug dealers have little to no education and have no other means of survival, or maybe have the option to survive for a while by the hair of their assess, but why do that, when they can just become a drug dealer because if they get caught they will just go to prison where their basic needs are met. If a person would never have to consider becoming a drug dealer and risk their own life everyday to survive there will be much less reason for people to be drug dealers and the outflow of that would be less people addicted to drugs and why are people addicted to drugs? Because drugs are addictive to ensure repeat costumers. It's all one gigantic fuck up!

The money system as it currently exists is not effective just look at the few examples I have shared and there are stories like these across the board, all around the world.

Events like this robbery take place because of a faulty, unequal money system, a system that supports greed and disregards life. The input is always the output so now we have another scenario where greed and the disregard for life continues. This cycle can be prevented by creating a new money system that supports life, is what is best for all and is founded and has the starting point of equality - if we input equality the output is equality.
It is a simple equation. Can you do the math?


Story's like these will increase and brutality will also increase because of the brutality of our current money system - time to stop this inhumane way of existing and start to consider our neighbor and treat our neighbor as we would like to be treated.

What is best for all is best for self.

Beings would not even have to consider such extremes to acquire money if their basic needs are met- this is simple common sense. The current money system is bullshit and is not working.

The solution that is best for ALL Life is Here - EMS - Equal Money System.

Lets change the way we do things and change ourselves, lets stop crimes against life that are caused by the current money system due to desperation.

ENOUGH is ENOUGH it is time to stop allowing ourselves to rob from eachother to be robbers of LIFE - STOP -Investigate Equal Money - JOIN US!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Writing, Equal Money, Education, World Equality!

I was busy writing and rewriting a blog for the the past two hours it was entitled:

"I live in one of the most impoverished and crime filled states in America"

Is this a coincidence, I strongly doubt it.

I simply wanted to show and share the correlation between poverty and crime and how an equal money system will lower crime and death because most crime is done for one reason - Money. An interesting statistic I came across today when searching for information regarding crime and poverty, stated that the majority of people in jail were poverty stricken and made less then $10,000 a year.

But while writing this out I began to judge myself due to my limited vocabulary, I often struggle with writing and sometimes get to a point where I go into self doubt about my ability to express what it is here as me - passion regarding world equality and equal money.

So I rewrote that dang blog over and over again and then I became bewildered because the points that I wrote about began to interconnect and intertwine to everyone and everything. It is fascinating the money systems of this world move everything and are the source of most of the abuse, pain, separation and fear in and of this world - Capitalism is a crime against life and is not acceptable. Even people that have huge sums of money are enslaved to it, by it.

We are all equally responsible for this mess that we have co-created and have a responsibility to do something to change it so that no one has to suffer because of a money system founded on greed, founded on winners and losers.

An equal money system is the solution that is best for all, is simplistic and supports life - Investigate equal money and if you are reading this you are ABLE to do something to stop hunger, abuse, crime, pain separation ect...

If I had grown up in an equal money system I would have been better educated, and educated about what is important - LIFE - Maybe I wouldn't have such extensive inferiority issues because I would have been born into a world where I was immediately considered an equal to all.

I will continue to write and through writing I will also develop proper speaking skills - I am grateful to have the opportunity to blog and share myself and to do what is best for ALL so that ALL may live a life of dignity. Within an equal money system beings will be supported within and as self expression and no longer fear one another but be an unconditional support to one another to be and live as our highest expression and no longer do things in spite of it all. I want to live in a world that I am proud to bring any child into no matter where they live or what family they are born into because they will also be unconditionally supported when they arrive here.

I have been working on and am committed to increasing my vocabulary. Vocabulary is important to me, words are important to me because they are an expression of myself and are a tool within which I am able to share what is best for all and I can express myself within and as specificity so that beings can understand what I share and so that I can build a bridge to close the gap of separation.

What I am writing now is much more simplistic then before and is flowing, it is not forced and I am not 'trying' to sound intelligent or like someone else. I am simply being myself, breathing expressing what is here as me.

Thanks for reading my blog today and for those that are breathing in awareness thanks for being HERE.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Here as Life

Here as Life

Youtube Channel: Miniexperimentalfilm
Music: 'Liveeee' by Matti Freeman
Film by: Marlen Vargas Del Razo

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be forgetful about what is important because I allowed myself to create and follow thoughts

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing limitation within and as me by allowing forgetfulness to exist

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in the mind therefore being subjected to polarity manifestations of the mind consciousness system remembrance/forgetfulness because I was not here as breath self directive in every moment

as breath here I remain - I bring all parts of myself here and do not require to remember because it is all as me here as presence within and as self honesty

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to thoughts

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in energy

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to remain constant and consistent within my application

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take mySELF seriously

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about a solution to stop the gloominess I experience

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to support myself in every moment of breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself wait for something fucked up to happen before I will face myself

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to direct myself within and as every moment of breath to do what is best for all in all ways always

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about what a pain it will be to redo all my self forgiveness' because I was not effective the first time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the thought, even if for a moment that I may not make it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing doubt to exist in me about what I am able to do

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to be specific within my application and for not caring about myself enough to be specific within constantly and continuously applying myself within specificity to do what is best for all in every moment of breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a dream like state and not consider the physical as what is here as me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make a mockery of myself through not applying myself effectively

I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to apply myself to live as an example in every moment to accumulate all parts of self within and as what is best for all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have future projections

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and limited to memories

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that because of who i've been that I am now limited and this is all I am capable of becoming

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought that because of the diminishment I have allowed within myself I do not deserve to birth myself as life from the physical

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be self dishonest and not take self responsiblity for what I have allowed myself to be and become

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a thought such as that to diminish me

I no longer accept or allow anything less then who I am as life here within and as the physical as all that exists as one with me

I no longer accept or allow myself to think about breathing

I no longer accept or allow outside events or pain to have to manifest before I will face myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be moved by outside events or pain only and for not being the self directive principle of and as me

I face myself here in every moment

I not longer accept or allow any excuse from myself or another as me

I do not accept or allow myself to abuse myself

I do not accept or allow abuse in and of this world

I am here, I express, I breathe, I correct myself, I direct

I do what is best for all and I will do what is necessary to be done to bring about an equal money system and equality and oneness through the accumulation of 1+1 within and as common sense

I no longer accept limitation - til here no further

I no longer accept or allow myself to exist in the mind as thoughts - I stop I support me unconditionally - I will no longer accept myself to be separate from life

I accept myself unconditionally as what I have become and I direct myself to change and embrace change I reprogram myself to be one and equal to all that exists

I remain here as life

Wednesday, February 2, 2011


I was in a car wreck yesterday. I was to work until 5:30pm my co-worker asked my manager if it was possible that we all (meaning the staff) get off of work around 3pm due to the weather the roads were icy and we did not want to be in a position that would be unsafe or be unable to get home. My boss said he would ask the other people he required to report to and get back to us. We were to hear something by 2pm but we never did and I noticed none of the staff was leaving early so I figured we didn't get approved to leave early. I did call to check up 2 times but I did not get an answer, I did not know really what I should do at that point because I did not want to leave and then get in trouble and lose my job but I knew that there was a good chance I would be fucked if I was stuck in a storm in my car. Also I did not really want to leave early because my hours have been cut because business is slow but I knew it made the most sense to just leave as soon as I could to assure I would be safe. So finally at around 4:10pm I got an e-mail from my boss saying - go ahead and take off. I experienced a bit of blame because I felt in that moment that he was acting as if he was doing me a favor. Anyway I left it was cold a fuck outside and snowing and the roads were quite slick and icy. It was scary driving home my drive home is 30mins so it was quite a task inching by sliding the whole way there and then we got to this point where a steep hill presented itself and cops had shut down the road that is when I started to get very pissed off at my boss and my boss's go to guy for approval I thought those assholes do not give a fuck about me or anyone working there. WTF I can not believe that this happened and then I recalled my commitment to no back chat and also not thinking or saying things that I wouldnt be willing to say to everyone so I spoke sf and decided to take what came in stride. But there were people slipping and sliding all over the road near accidents and accidents every few miles i mean even in one mile of road you would see maybe 1-2 people stalled out and maybe a wreck and back ups so I was getting quick scared, unfortunetly the road block did not have an alternative because it was just closed before I got there so there was a detour to nowhere really so everyone was circling around trying to find a way southwest but there was no open outlet so it was a huge cluster fuck on ice and I did not have a phone because I hate carrying my cell phone so I definately learned my lesson next time I will bring a phone anywhere I go. Finally I get to a place that seemed like an option and but for about 20mins I just slide and slide and was getting nowhere. I began to get anxious, I was focused on my breath I think It was too late because I could not get a steady constant breath, I felt as if i had to take very deep breaths to just stop the nervousness, I was fearful that I was so afraid that I would cause a wreck, finally somehow I began moving again and turned back because I knew I could not make it up any hill even the tiniest ones so I was going to make a right turn and when I did I realised I was sliding and to prevent sliding into a light pole I went into the opposite side of the road and hit a car waiting to turn. It happened in slow motion but fast I was so scared, I was not present I didn't respond well I could have honked or done something but instead I just clenched the steering wheel and pressed the brake but that did not help because I just slide right into him. So we exchanged info and then I was really concered because I felt like I was fucked, no phone, no man, no way to get home it was 14 degrees outside and my car was wrecked. So I don't know why I went into such detail about this point, I guess just to see it for myself because I do have a bit of fear now about driving and also there is a bitter part of me toward my boss and the system and I know it is pointless because it is here as me this also delays my plans because its going to cost quite a bit of money to fix it. I feel defeated a bit. I also managed to sprain my ankle twice within an hour when I was in Texas and it's swollen and hurts. I know my fear of hitting someone or getting in a wreck manifested. I could have prevented it if I was here - it was quite a test to be in a stressful and dangerous situation and remain here unfortunately I failed myself - I'm going to stop writing here because I am just whining and I won't allow myself to continue going in that direction. I will drink water and breath. I will be back when I get out of this place I am at and write the necessary self forgiveness.
Thanks if you read all the way to this point lol.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Give It Up!

Ok so this is in reference to Cerise's blog she suggested to 'give it up!' and not say one word that I am not willing to say in front of any person...

I take on this point as myself and will walk and share my experiences. I have attempted to do this throughout my process but have not written about it or actually made a living statement of my commitment to no longer accept or allow gossip or back chat in my mind toward anyone or anything.

Growing up and being around other females this is all we did - Gossip, I guess maybe we did it as a way to bond and get to know each other, well thats not true either, I would observe what they would say about others and then be weary of them the entire time and wonder if they would say the same about me, but did I say THAT out loud? Of course not!

I was with Katie this weekend and we opened up a point about food and it was fascinating to see it unfolding right before us, we both participated in our secret minds and then somehow we just came out and said what was taking place in our secret mind and the fascinating thing is the entire time I was patting myself back in my mind thinking ' wow' Deedra your doing a great job at not being in the mind LOL! What a crock of shit. It was so discrete and automatic, I did not even notice the extent of my dishonesty through allowing thoughts about food to direct me. By simply opening up a point we were able to peel another layer of the onion and get closer to the core of ourselves. Food was the main point we spoke about and justification with regards to food and comparison regarding what we ate as well. But when opening up the point we just laughed about it - really hard - It was cool to see the mind fuck for what it was, it is quite extensive so more points continue to unfold. But the reason I said that is because it is supportive to say things out in the open instead of keeping it within the secret mind and conjuring up all kinds of ideas that can happen so quickly.

- I breathe and remain here and support myself within and as self responsibility, unconditional support and assistance, self direction, self expression, self control, self trust to walk this point.

Thanks Cerise for opening up this point.