Monday, February 28, 2011

Pain 2

I have a sprained my right ankle, I sprained it the first time while I was in another state walking along a sidewalk and there was this huge crack in it and my shoes were too big, it was painful and I was scared because I was away from home and no doctor available, I sprained it again just as hard about half an hour later at a French restaurant in the restroom, I heard this women over the house speakers and she was giving lessons on how to speak French she was teaching the French word for 'agreement'.

I did a good job nursing my ankle back to 'health' and I was quite pleased with how well I did - and guess what? Two weeks after my first two injuries I tripped again on what seems like air and all over again it was swollen and hurting - damn it! wtf! What a klutz' I thought to myself and had an emotional reaction that of sadness and anger toward myself for not standing stable, for not being here and for accepting and allowing thoughts of limitation and fear. I was angry at myself for putting my body through this, and it was just starting to get better now its swollen and hurting again. I still have not gone to see a doctor, the last time I went to the doctor I went because my throat was hurting and I was told it was because I was not voicing myself, but instead of investigating why it was hurting exactly and taking responsibility for it I decided to go to the doctor and after she checked me she said 'Deedra nothing is wrong with you...' I was thinking WTF lady something IS wrong with me, my throat hurts like fuck. I said is there anything I can do she said it might be allergies but I dont even see any redness in your throat. I think she thought I was making it all up. So I decided to get self honest I started to look at my world and my participation and behavior and I wasn't saying out load when something came up that bothered me I would just hold it in and then believe that I had no right to speak up, so I began to just speak up more and stand up for myself because the pain in my throat was bad and I wanted it to end and it did.

I've been reading Veno's Structural Resonance documents on the forum they are supportive now I require to support myself and walk the correction.

I will be regularly updating these blogs regarding my body because as I investigate and walk these it takes time.
Thanks for reading.

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