Stimulation

A topic/point opened up on the desteni forum and that topic is:

One word that binds us all

Who have I used in my life as a form of stimulation Parents, Family, Women, Men, Children, Teachers, Scholars, Doctors, Therapists, Astrologers, 'strangers', Every single person I come into contact with - I look for a form of stimulation and if a being do not stimulate me according to my programming then I ignore them and am not interested in anything they say or do because I am not being feed I am not feeding on the energy because it does not suit my programming this is in deed vamporism that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive is myself a person who feeds from one being to another constantly looking for my next form of stimulation so I do not face myself.
One sense to another or many senses at the same time and no one of those senses within this particular point is not common sense.

Touch, Taste, Smell, Sound, Sight

Parents - I have feed of off the stimulation my parents have provided my mind consciousness system:

- through the acceptance of me= this stimulates me because it provides me with a sense of purpose - and with this sense of purpose I see that I am stimulated through motivation a motivation to be all I can be for my parents so they can be proud of me and so I can prove to them that their acceptance of me of validated

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed the ego of the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek stimulation from my parents through acceptance of me because I have defined who I am as inferior to a feeling, an emotion, a perception of love through a feeling of purpose through a feeling of acceptance because I have not accepted or allowed myself to love myself and accept myself unconditionally.

-through advising me again this is a form of the inferior/superior construct of polarity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be polarity personified.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity of the mcs a system that is not who I really am but what I have allowed myself to be and become due to accepted and allowed self dishonesty

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self dishonesty, self hate

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe, and perceive that because my parents created me through stimulation at some point that they are indefinitely superior to me in all ways and that the advice that they give to me is truth, valid and for my own 'good' because I have defined myself as inferior to an opinion that in fact destroys what is real what is actually in this reality.

through punishing me

through teaching me, through yelling at me, through controlling me, through loving me, through laughter, through hugging me, through kissing me,through affection, through supporting me, through buying me things, through sharing with me,through fighting with me, through praising me, through directing me, through accepted and allowed participation of anger, hate, resentment, sadness, through disciplining me, through providing food for me, through giving me money, through providing me with happiness even if it is an illusion, through nurturing me,through a belief in god, through encouragement, through

Be back in a while gotta do some work

I have had this cold/flu and it has been going on for about a week or so, I was in bed most of last week coughing, sneezing, blowing my nose, my throat aches, my head aches. Everyone tells me to go to the dr. to get a perscription other wise it will get worse and I will not heal. I am applying SF and realised that sickness is here as assistance, not a burden. I am here as breath. I was somewhat going into self pity and whining about being sick but I realise that is assistance and applied SF accordingly. I went to the chiropractor on monday and they did muscle testing on me and the lady asked if I had a cold because with the muscle testing it shows that I have a virus, I said no I feel fine, the next day got the cold. So I am here breathing, reading, writing watching videos and apply SF as I am HERE.
today I am gonna ask the chiropractor what parts of the body exactly are "weak" to get an understanding of what my body as me is showing me.

A few days ago I hurt my back and neck on the left side, I have been going to the chiropractor and he said I have a sprain/strain.

I have been reading Veno's structural resonance documents and I still have more to read and watch on videos the last time I watched the videos was about 6 months ago and by reading the comments I wrote I was lets say allowing myself to be "blind" about the reality of what I was watching I "thought" I "knew" everything.
So rereading and re-watching now with a clearer understanding of who I am and not placing blame on someone or apparently waiting for "god" to supposedly save me from myself, I can see it for what it is 'assistance and support'
I have been having frustration with my mother and I find that when I speak with her it is almost as if I want to start a fight or something. I want her to say that I am right about being stubborn and not wanting to speak with certain family members because apparently they fucked me over, the last conversation I had with my mother I was just sorta irritated and frustrated like I wanted her to see my view and agree with me but she wouldn't and it pissed me off because I allowed it. I realise I want my mom to mother me and tell me its ok those people are fucked up and your not responsible and she didn't and it bugged me because I have not realised that I am responsible for how I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself and with regards to the grudges I have on my family it is because of so much stuff i have not dealt with because of fear, fear of loss I suppose fear of seeing myself for who I am and what I have become, in holding on to this fear I have given my power away to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to fear
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to fear of loss
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hid from the beings in my family I apparently have "beef" with
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from certain beings because in self honesty I have not wanted to see and face myself as them as all as one in equal
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find that the pain I feel is to much to bear or to look at
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have pain in my body rather then look at these points and forgive them and direct myself within and as self honesty but rather manifest this pain and heavy feeling in my shoulders and neck and back in order to see I must face myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself for being hurt
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want people to take care of me and tell me its gonna be ok
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mother others when they are hurt of feeling sad and say its gonna be ok and apparently "comfort" them but I realise the comfort is not real and is self dishonest
I forgive myself that I have desired for someone to give me attention
I forgive myself that I have desired anything and see myself as lacking something
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in a frenzy and always have somewhere to go someone to see something to do to stay busy and not see myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame so many people for how I feel
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be self abusive
I forgive myself that I have placed my responsibility on others
I forgive myself that I have not been self responsible for how I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself
I forgive myself that I have feared looking at my childhood, memories are assistance and support to no longer experience myself as shame and regret
I am not shame or regret
I no longer accept or allow myself to experience myself as shame and regret
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my mother, father elders in my family as superior to myself and in turn participated in duality and polarity and considered myself as inferior to them and have not seen myself as them, its all as me here
I will be back I am gonna finish reading structural res and watch the vids on youtube again to see myself with more specificity with regards to this point/points.

SF - Menstration/Specialness

So the nuva ring is out and things within my body are no longer going bazerko, also I have not had trouble with sleep or racing thoughts. Whew, that sucked I decided to do SF on not wanting to get a period in the first place and I came to so many realizations about it after all. I was defining myself as less then men and inferior to men because of experiencing myself menstruating

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself rather then taking self responsibility and applying self forgiveness immediatly

I forgive myself that I have defined myself as a fuck up because I did not stand up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stay as the definition of shame and regret for using the nuva ring as an easy way out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stay in a state of "ugh" "I cant" instead of standing up as all as one as equal in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and perceive these thoughts of inferiority and victimization as real and are who I am

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust myself

I forgive myself that I have desired for an event or person to move me rather then me being within and as self movement

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to honor myself as all as one as equal every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to experience a period because then that defines me as less then because I am a women and I am not able to control it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control my bodily functions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to men for having to experience a period

I forgive myself that I have considered myself inferior to men because I have a period every month and they don't

I forgive myself that I have defined myself as a women

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for all women who have to experience the pain of menstruation and child birth and men don't so they are apparently more lucky and dominate

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define blood as dirty

I forgive myself that I have accepted the idea of periods being dirty because of what I learned about women being as filthy rags in the bible and to not even sleep in the same bed/room with a man when on a period because it is unclean

I forgive myself that I have defined myself as unclean during menstruation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define women as being punished for having to feel pain when menstruating and when giving child birth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define men as superior to women and that women are inferior to men because of menstruation and pain during child birth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in duality/polarity men/women superior/inferior

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my body and its functions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure when on my period

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at men because they don't h ave to spend time and money on things like menstruation or child birth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel anger towards men because if they experience having children they do not have to have stretch marks on their belly/legs or breasts and women do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define stretch marks on stomach/breasts/legs as ugly and unattractive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have feared the pain of child birth my entire life

I forgive myself that I never considered the pain a child must feel during birth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge women who have children and are unable to take care of them as selfish and fucked up

I forgive my self that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of men because I have defined their body's as easier to keep "in shape" and nicer because they don't have to get stretch marks and men can more easily find love and a relationship if they have a child and do not stay with the mother of the child because their body still looks like it did before a child was born

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to relationships I have or don't have

I forgive myself that I have defined beings as less then other beings if they are unable to keep a marriage or relationship because apparently something must be wrong with them like bad at sex, or ugly, fat, or insecure, bad father, bad mother or irritating or less then beings in a relationship

I forgive myself that I did not realise that relationships that are formed with love as glue are an illusion and a way to further keep beings enslaved to the mcs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to inherit this way of thinking from my mother because she always damned men for not having to deal with stretch marks

the mother matrix is something I realise I have but I do not understand how to deal with it and how to appropriately apply SF for it to release the system in me, here is something I found on the OF on the front page by VENO

http://desteni.co.za/Osho/veno23.htm


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beLIEve I could control feelings by using a vaginal insert

I forgive myself that I have wanted and needed to always be in control of myself my body and the beings around me to feel secure

I forgive myself that I have defined control as self trust

I forgive myself that I have defined myself as rebellious and out of control because if I am out of control that really means I am in control of my surroundings and situations because in my apparent belief in rebellion as control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to boss others around to let them know that they can not fuck with me so do not even try it

I forgive myself that when I listen to people talk I just dont listen actually and I wait for them to be quiet so I can tell them why they are wrong and I am right

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value on my opinions only and everyone else is wrong and if they do not see it how I see it then they are fucked up

I forgive myself that I have caused this seperation

Thanks Leila for sharing the SF you wrote regarding Ego of Mind as Special I do that same shit and I stop

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am as greater then or much more special then anyone else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that I am indeed special because many people have said that to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to percieve that I am way more insightful then most people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have beLIEved in religion that their would be 144,000 jews that would save the world from the devil and I am one of the called out assembly to help save the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see others as inferior to me but just that they do'nt know it and its ok cuz I am a "nice" superior/special person so its cool

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beLIEve that because I am under the birth sign aquarius that I am special and unique and their are only very few people that are as special as myself and that even then they still had a different kind of special so I am apparently super special over all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive this ego of specialness as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that one day I will speak to a huge crowd of people and help to show them the truth of themselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire for beings to refer or call me special

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear certain clothes to stand out from a crowd so others would then see me as the apparent special person I have defined myself as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate others to define me as special

I forgive myself that I had always looked for ways to wow and impress people to confirm just how special I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be the center of attention

I forgive myself that I have defined myself as the black sheep in my "family" so that people will again see and define me as special and set apart

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the way I dance as special

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be the first person people call to hang out with because I have defined myself as cooler company then anyone else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be seen as super cool and smart

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the music I listen to as way better then what others listen to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my taste in music and food and clothes and material items as way better then anyone else's

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear beings always want to fuck with me or hurt me so I must be in control so they won't see the fear I have

Ok, so I started using the Nuva Ring because I was "trying" to avoid the menstruation cycle/cramps/pms. I am not currently having sex at all so it is simply to eliminate the cycle. Boy oh boy was I in for a surprise. I have not been feeling like myself lately just empty and sad and sorta out of it all together I have been extremely irritated with everyone around me and I can not sleep at night at all? This is not cool and I realise that this damn bright idea was just that of the mind and it has caused me to be totally fogged and out there some where.

Not being able to see right and I have let myself get away from HERE as breath.
I realised that this Nuva Ring is not cool and I removed it today.

Interesting to see how quickly I felt like shit using this ring and it just so happens to fit into an interesting place on my body. :/
ugh. I have totally gotten away from myself and I feel guilty for doing this. I have been so sad and depressed, I read up on it some more today and apparently there are many other women who have suffered many ill side effects. So far I had it for about 2 weeks and until here no further even right now I feel a fog.

I continue applying SF
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire, want and need a quick fix to not have to go the menstruation/menstruehate and bloating and painful cramps and irritably

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts, feelings and emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and feel guilt for using the nuva ring

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have self control and desire to use a product to cure my apparent hate for menstruation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself from others because I have been feeling depressed
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel depressed
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad and sorry for myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become very angry and snap at other beings within the work place
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to race so much that I can not sleep
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am not thoughts feelings or emotions
atm I do not feel so good my body is all weird I am in a fog
I will continue to speak SF and write SF
I direct I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from menstruation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself within and as my body

BODY

I have not been feeling so well lately, I have been getting a pain in my right toe as if I stubbed it really hard but I do not recall hitting it on anything, I keep getting these pains over my body like distinct pains on my right shoulder blade and my hands my right hand hurts, Today I have still had the toe pain but all of a sudden I felt nauseated and drained as if I can not see right like I am "off" or something I do not feel one within and as my body I feel separated, I have this awful hollow feeling about me lately. Like I can not see right or like my eyes are smugged. :/
I also feel dizzy, cold and sorta like I got water up my nose. Maybe I have a sinus infection or flu not sure but
It's not cool
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in separation with my body
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself for feeling pains in my body

My Self - FREE within and as ONENESS IN EQUALITY

I have not been on blogspot to blog for a while, I have been reading mad on the desteni forums for the past few days - there is an extensive amount of writings and common sense.
If you are reading this and you have not heard of Desteni
recommend this website it is http://www.desteni.co.za/ take a look at the writings it's cool.
All the communication within and as the portal within and as dimensional beings is insightful.
I am HERE to express my self, B suggests to write every day even if we have nothing to write. I find it cool to write and express my self HERE in self honesty. I realise that I have continued pushing on with process of self forgiveness, self honesty, self awareness, self movement, self corrective application, self expression, self clarity, self direction to be honest I was not sure I had it in me to move myself and be self responsible, I realise at this moment that it is not my self who doubts myself but the mind consciousness system of thoughts feelings emotions and memories, that is not who I am I direct the mind not the other way around. Everyone has been assisting including me moving myself as all as one as equal. :) Its a process moment by moment breath by breath so it is not overwhelming at all and the feeling of being overwhelming is of the mind and not who I am. Thoughts feelings, emotions, memories are a program to keep me enslaved and I no longer accept or allow myself to be enslaved.
I MOVE, I EXPRESS, I CLARIFY, I DIRECT.

I watched Marlen's tree of life interview today and I have noticed that every single thing I read on the forum and all the videos I am watching seem to directly pertain to my self "specifically" I see this as common sense as it's all as me HERE. I decided to note this as well since this is what I am currently experiencing this atm. Basically before I would watch them and read and see it for what it was words on a screen or an interview for someone experiencing "something" apparently separate from myself. Even the words I see as myself. Process is cool. takes determination and extensive self forgiveness but to experience myself as all as one as equal and really see myself as who I am, wow, not in my wildest "dreams "did I fathom that I could be honest with myself in such a way, to express myself and to open up to others as myself. Being HERE Breathing the four count breath is "priceless" I am grateful for everyone's assistance as myself and for winged and B to have actually taken a look at self honesty to look inside themselves for all as one as equal. Self movement. Ahhh
Before starting self forgiveness I was so scattered and pissed off and sad and overwhelmed and I would blame everyone as if they were outside of me separate from my self and not realise that is was me all along creating my reality in this existence. Self responsibility

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realise that I am the ‘inner workings' of the brain and I am not subject to the brain unless I accept and allow it within me.

Ok bye.