Monday, August 8, 2011


All of the people I live with now, have a college education or are currently attending college and this was something I was glad to be a part of but what I was not expecting was how my pre-programming of inferiority would come out and in the most peculiar ways.

Working in a group setting is cool because it has given me the opportunity to face myself, for instance I would have trouble speaking up or speaking naturally because I had extensive back chat about sounding stupid or not having a large enough vocabulary or not being able to communicate with the same level of effectiveness as them. I had defined myself as inferior so I would actually end up manifesting this for myself. For instance in the middle of a sentence I would experience movement within me and thoughts of self judgement and then I would totally forget what I was saying and then I was never able to get the point across or the support I wanted to share. I was not here present listening actively but rather in my mind trying to think of something smart to say because in my mind what I would say naturally just wasn't "good enough."

I opened up this point with my roommates and I had an emotional reaction and started to cry a bit. I realized that this was the point to face and the point that I had been allowing and accepting myself to be possessed by. I keep thinking that no one was listening to me and that others were just ignoring what I was saying because they think they are smarter then me and that what I say is stupid but that is not the case at all. One of my roommates said "Deedra what you say does not sound unintelligent" But there were times where she did notice that I would go into self victimization and she could see it because she had also faced similar points and sometimes still does but is in the process of stopping the reactions and back-chat as well.

Now that I have shared my experience and exposed my back-chat I have no longer get tongue tied. I also wrote self-forgiveness for accepting and allowing this point of inferiority to separate me from the group.

Of course this whole time it was all me, its always self isn't it. Being in this new environment has been extensively supportive and I am grateful for all of the support thus far and grateful to be able to support others in self trust.

We have agreed as a group to not allow back-chat of any kind if we are to be effective in what we have set out to accomplish so we all know that support is support and this is where we can sort out our egos so that we can be self-directive in self-honesty in every moment.

I am in the process of trusting myself within self-honesty and trusting my common sense through self-corrective application moment by moment. If I make a mistake, It is like a missed a take and I take 2 or 3 or 4 until I live self trust so when the same point presents itself I live the correction forevermore.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Morality - It's a shame

A disc jockey on a radio show opened up the topic of teenagers having sex in their parents home.

He began by airing an audio clip and the women speaking said that she was okay with her daughter having sex in her home, because she knew she was safe, always had condoms available, and also she knew who her daughter was having sex with.

The radio station had a huge response with many people calling in stating that allowing a teenager to have sex in their home was flat out wrong.

Some people stated that if they knew that their teenage child had sex in the home, or even if they asked about it, they would be beaten. Also one man called in and said if my wife allowed that and I caught my daughter having sex with a boy in my home I would beat my wife and my child! The response from those in the studio was laughter and agreement.

This created a type of 'group thought' on the radio program and numerous calls came in one after another with the same type of answer, someone else called in and said, If that was my daughter I would not only beat my daughter but also the boy she was with!

Another listener called in to tell a personal story about getting caught kissing a girl in his parents home when he was a teenager - he said that his mother opened the door to the closet and slapped the girl he was kissing in the face and he was glad that his mother did that because later that summer that same girl got pregnant by another guy.

The reaction from parents to immediately hurt someone is just an indication of just how harmful morality right/wrong can be. Fascinating how morality blinds beings of common sense.

The lack of open self-honest communication between parent and child is staggering and we can see the consequence of this all around us, it is no wonder that teen pregnancy rates are sky high and it is also no wonder that sexually transmitted diseases in teens and young adults are rampant. This also teaches children to lie and manipulate because every time the child tells the truth to their parents they are punished!

Many parents think that making sex taboo or wrong is their duty but miss the entire point of supporting their child to be a self-honest effective human being in this world. This can be done by being self-honest and standing equal to their children and realize that not only is the house their's but also the home of their children. It is fine time that parents consider their children as equals and share common sense with their children and share what the manifested consequences are for not taking responsibility for oneself. This is only done through being a living example, living the words we speak otherwise children just see their parents as hypocrites and rebel against them. This ends up being a battle of right and wrong, superiority and inferiority. Within common sense there is no right or wrong simply what is best for all, this does not require us to be moral about anything it just requires us to have a look at all the possible outflows of our decisions 1+1=2 and act in the best interest of all.

It is time for us to start educating ourselves and becoming self-honest so that we can support ourselves and our children to do what is best for all.

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