I realise that within 'my jokes' truth exists-

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use sarcasm as a form of power/control

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want others to see me as smart to cover up that I feel dumb/stupid/inferior

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts, feelings, emotions & memories

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as dumb/ stupid/ inferior

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as dumb/stupid/inferior

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hard on myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to appear to beings as perfect and within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to an idea of what I have defined as perfection

who I really am as life is undefinable and not a system not perfect

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use wit as a form of superiority to cover up how I actually experience myself as inferiority

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use wit as a way to manipulate beings to divert the attention away from myself and my shit so they won't see my mind fuicks and point them out but rather feel bad about themselves

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perfect manipulation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use manipulation as a tool

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use manipulation as a form of slavery

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play myself like a game

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as hilarious - hell-arious

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that when beings laugh at my jokes that this is simply a reflection of systems laughing at me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to kid myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself I forgive myself for not allowing myself to face myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spite myself as otherselves
-BullShit

I do not allow or accept myself to hide who I am and what I have become
I do not accept or allow myself to try to attempt to preserve the personality designs I have created in self dishonesty and self interest and as a way to hide

I do not allow myself to fear what I have become
I do not allow myself to fear who I actually am
I allow myself to reveal myself to myself within and as self honesty within and as self forgiveness within and as self corrective action
Here as breath I remain -

I forgive myself for participating in duality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to polarity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be indirect when speaking and giving my power away to CONclusions of the mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have future projections of
CONclusions - I forgive myself for not allowing myself to remain here as breath

mySELF is my starting point as all as one as equal as life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to access personalities of the mind to suite who I am with' according to how I have defined 'their' personalities and in this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate beings and seperate myself from myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to a personality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to design a likable personality according to a definition of what likable is

I allow myself to express myself as who I am as life as self expression

I allow myself to be unconditional in mySELF expression

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use thoughts as food to feed the mcs

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use manipulation and stimulation as a form of "assistance" and in that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to trigger thoughts in others to assist others in realizations - what a bullshit mind FuIck

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be self dishonest

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to knowlege and information as a form of power as a form of stability

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the ego of the mcs

I allow myself to let go of knowlege and information
I do not allow myself to define myself as knowledge and information
I allow myself to breath
I allow myself to slow everything down
I allow myself to be here as breath as comfort

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use humor as a form of suppression

I do not accept or allow myself to supress myself as humor

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cover up pain with humor rather then face myself within as self honesty within and as self forgiveness within and as self corrective action

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to 'fall back' to humor as a form of safety
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beLIEve I must be safe
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define humor as safety

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to preserve myself as a system and not preserve mySELF

I forgive myself for not realising that within every thought I create - within every thought consequences will come and play out within space and time
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realise the consequence of what I have accepted and allowed within and as the participation of thoughts, feelings, emotions

I do not accept or allow myself to give my power away to suppression as humor
I do not accept or allow myself to seek acceptance outside of me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from self acceptance

I do not accept or allow myself to want others to be around me because I am funny
I do not accept or allow myself to fear being alone/all one

I allow myself to be gentle with myself

I allow myself to live here as breath as moment as simplicity as who I am of life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to copy this joking, kidding, laughter from my mother

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be irrigated with my mother when she does this

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define her as my mother and to define me as her daughter

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seperate myself from myself within and as relationships within and as the mother matrix within and as the family CONstruct

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that irritation is not who I am as life

I forgive myself for not realising that irritation is of systems

Accessing Knowlege and Information

during lunch at work I notice a pattern within me and the pattern is when i am eating lunch with co-workers I feel as if I need to fill space with words as this is what I have always done as a means to bridge a gap as a means to reveal my apparent knowlege and power as a means of escaping vulnerability and the silence that is me as who I am as life as a means of showing of as a means of getting attention as a means to hide the fact i feel insecure and stupid
I have spoken through accessed knowledge ad information

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to access knowledge and information as a form of comfort

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to access knowledge and information as a way to bridge a gap between me and beings I do not know very well

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being vulnerable with myself as other selves

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be self dishonest

Be back - working


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the ego of the mind as power

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be seen as smart as intelligent

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself

I STAND AS ALL AS ONE AS EQUAL AS LIFE

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I can not be trusted with life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am less then life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be selfish and conflicted with regards to standing up as who I am as life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be self dishonest and manipulative - I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to give reason and conflict power over me - who I am as life has no reason no purpose - who I am as life is not conflicted through the mind conflict exists I am not limited to the mind consciousness system I am not limited to thoughts I am not thoughts, I am not feelings, I am not emotions

who I am as life is undefinable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get so angry at myself and fearful of standing up as who I am as life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to an idea that fear is real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as constant fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to an idea of the mind of a program of the mind consciousness system

Who I am as life is not an organic robot I do not have to limit myself I do not have to judge myself I do not have to feel bad I do not have to be self dishonest to live I have not lived

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to systems

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that mind demons have power over me and that I am unable to stop participating in self dishonesty because of my age and the apparent system I have existed as - I have not lived

I allow myself to be brutally self honest in every single moment of every single breath here as breath I am stable here as breath I am able to slow everything down here as breath I am aware of myself here as breath i am able to see what I have accepted and allowed here as breath who i am as life remains constant stable self honest one and equal to all life as who I really am here as breath as moment as life - I courage I source I stand I live

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to actually live and to not live words as one with me as who I am as life

will is the way, the way is the will- i will myself, i do not accept or allow myself to separate myself from myself as who I am as life as all as one as equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe a thought to be real that I can not stand up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as not strong enough to stand up as who I am as life

I forgive myself that I have separated myself from self movement, courage, self honesty, self control

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in self dishonesty in the private forum as a form of manipulation because i have looked for others to say shes fucked up she can not do this she wont and then I will have a way to defend why i didn't stand why i was not able to stand

FUICKED

I do not allow myself to manipulate others as me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to realise what is best for all but make up excuses with thoughts feelings and emotions as to why I am not able to stand up 100%

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am a hard nut to crack and that I will have to take the fuicked route in being self honest

I do not allow or accept myself to define myself as limitation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing relationships I have formed with family' and friends' - rather then deciding to remain here as breath as self honesty with them as myself I have avoided them I have avoided myself as who I am as life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid myself and to suppress myself and my true nature so that others wont judge me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be in separation with otherSELFS

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have a choice

choice does not exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value of acceptance from others over self acceptance as who I am as life as all as one as equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of who I have become as a system an idea a picture not real but an illusion

Who I am as life is not an illusion
Who I am as life is not a picture is not limited to sight - through the eyes of beings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that because I am nice I am not able to stand up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in polarity of nice/mean

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear self forgiveness as I have defined myself unable to live the self forgiveness statements and I have feared the brutality of the structural resounance

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see not realise that my body is assisting and supporting me as myself as who i am as life to no longer accept or allow self dishonesty in any way what so ever

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see pain in the body as a punishment and not assistance

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being self honest with particular beings because then they may not want to be around me anymore and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being alone in this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value on relationships and for participation within separation by wanting to keep myself in separation though relationships

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing up to fear self responseability to fear self corrective application as I am self responsible for what I say for what i do for the words I speak

who I am determines what I do

I move

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always desire to please a mind consciousness system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cower and not stand as who I am as life as all as one as equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek stimulation in many forms such thoughts, feelings, emotions, color, pictures, touch, taste, sound, relationships

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as stimulation to seek to stimulate other selves so others will like me and want me around

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for loop holes and excuses for why I am not able to stand up 100%

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own power

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will fail and in this limit myself to fail to fear

I do not allow myself to believe that I will fail

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as a constant and continuous failure and let down to other beings

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in self judgment and self abuse

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have a look at the outflows in space and time for my accepted and allowed participation in self dishonesty, self abuse, self hate, self anger, regret, shame, participation in thoughts, feelings and emotions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to look at points in my childhood that for so long have bothered me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse beings in word and deed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret what I have done what i have become one and equal to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as shame for what I have become one and equal to

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be gentle with myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in participating in the ILLusion of beLIEf

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at my father in the matrix for drinking so much when I was a child and for saying abusive things to us my mother, sister and myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my father for how I am and how I have ended up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according the past the past is not who I am

I do not accept or allow myself to define myself as the past as shame and regrete

I do not accept or allow myself to not consider the consequences of being self dishonest

I do not accept or allow myself to manipulate myself in stateing that I am ignorate in doing this I create my future and cause time loops that are unnecessasry

here as breath I remain here as breath I am stablity here as breath

IGNOREnce is not bliss

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be attracted to abusive and controlling men

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become my father

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as anger, sadness, regret, limitation, disgust, suppression, self pity in a vain attempt to abdicate my self RESPONSE.ABILITY as who I am as life I do not allow myself to give my power away to self dishonesty

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my father and mothers opinion of me

opinions destroy what is real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be self dishonest with beings so that I do not have to take self responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed and for my participation in this fuicked up demon possessed existence

I move
I express
I clarify
I am my directive principle
I am here as breath
I stop abuse
I stop
I stand as all life one and equal

Stimulation

A topic/point opened up on the desteni forum and that topic is:

One word that binds us all

Who have I used in my life as a form of stimulation Parents, Family, Women, Men, Children, Teachers, Scholars, Doctors, Therapists, Astrologers, 'strangers', Every single person I come into contact with - I look for a form of stimulation and if a being do not stimulate me according to my programming then I ignore them and am not interested in anything they say or do because I am not being feed I am not feeding on the energy because it does not suit my programming this is in deed vamporism that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive is myself a person who feeds from one being to another constantly looking for my next form of stimulation so I do not face myself.
One sense to another or many senses at the same time and no one of those senses within this particular point is not common sense.

Touch, Taste, Smell, Sound, Sight

Parents - I have feed of off the stimulation my parents have provided my mind consciousness system:

- through the acceptance of me= this stimulates me because it provides me with a sense of purpose - and with this sense of purpose I see that I am stimulated through motivation a motivation to be all I can be for my parents so they can be proud of me and so I can prove to them that their acceptance of me of validated

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed the ego of the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek stimulation from my parents through acceptance of me because I have defined who I am as inferior to a feeling, an emotion, a perception of love through a feeling of purpose through a feeling of acceptance because I have not accepted or allowed myself to love myself and accept myself unconditionally.

-through advising me again this is a form of the inferior/superior construct of polarity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be polarity personified.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity of the mcs a system that is not who I really am but what I have allowed myself to be and become due to accepted and allowed self dishonesty

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self dishonesty, self hate

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe, and perceive that because my parents created me through stimulation at some point that they are indefinitely superior to me in all ways and that the advice that they give to me is truth, valid and for my own 'good' because I have defined myself as inferior to an opinion that in fact destroys what is real what is actually in this reality.

through punishing me

through teaching me, through yelling at me, through controlling me, through loving me, through laughter, through hugging me, through kissing me,through affection, through supporting me, through buying me things, through sharing with me,through fighting with me, through praising me, through directing me, through accepted and allowed participation of anger, hate, resentment, sadness, through disciplining me, through providing food for me, through giving me money, through providing me with happiness even if it is an illusion, through nurturing me,through a belief in god, through encouragement, through

Be back in a while gotta do some work