Thursday, March 10, 2011

Mother Envy

Today when looking at photos of a friend and her family I became sad and a bit jealous because I know I won't be having children of my own in this 'life' and I won't experience what it is to be a mother - So I am here to further investigate this point and consider why I have experienced this reaction within me. It is as if I have been programmed to want a child or children irregardless of all common sense. I have even asked some men if they get a male version of 'the clock ticking'? One gentleman said it was more about passing on the family name but even still that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, I mean you can have a child with your same last name and same blood line but who cares if they have to grow up in an environment where life is not valued
as all as one as equal.

Emotions of any kind are not real such as sadness for example I mean it is simply a system designed to further enslave. Bringing a child into the world as it is today is self dishonest because the starting point is selfishness. If I were to manipulate myself through using sadness or envy as an excuse to become a 'mother' it would only benefit the ego of the mind. This is obviously not what is best for all, not what is best for any child, bringing a child into a world where they would not be considered equal is abusive so sadness is invalidated by the simple common sense equation 1+1=2

A lady I spoke with the other day said to me that it is crazy not to want a child because it is the greatest love one can 'feel' in this world and is an unexplainable joyful experience. She said after all my child could become the next president of the United States and change the world. I asked her why would anyone want to leave that kind of responsibly up to someone else? We are here right now in this world and capable of changing ourselves and the world. Clinging to hope, hope that a child may possibly one day change things for the rest of us is totally and completely insane. Unfortunately self responsibility is rarely if ever considered.

I overheard a man in the army speaking with his buddy and he said to him "I'm thinking of getting married and having a child so that I can get more money back on my taxes" His friend said "NO! don't get married because if you get a divorce you'll have to fight for what is yours" lol! I butted in and said to him, "Man, did you hear what you just said? Do you realize the responsibility of bringing a child into the world? Do you even know what that child may have to go through? Would you actually go that far for a tax break, I mean really?" I suggested to him rather spend that time and effort on changing the money system so that all life is supported unconditionally, so that people can not use and manipulate with other peoples - LIVES - to survive. He said well when you put it that way I guess your right. I do not want to be right at all, I just wanted him to see and hear what it is that he would be manifesting for someone 'else' 'someone' that could not speak for themselves. The money system as it is, is manifesting insanity or is the money system as it is today a manifestation of insanity? Either way it has got to stop.

Throughout my life I didn't see the sense in having children. Maybe my clock just ticked later then most women but if I just look around I would NOT want to come here to a place where I would not be taken care of unconditionally, a place where my forefathers did not give a flying fuck about life, I sometimes wondered why my mom did not consider this basic point, I guess because she was programmed but maybe it is also about survival, just programming it is the way most women have been hard wired. It was and still is to many considered part of life "Part of life what an interesting thing to say?"

I am doing something to change myself and to change the world. So I'm glad I was born haha!

It is simply not my role in this life to be a mother - It is however my role to do what is best for all and to do everything I am able to, to bring about an equal money system and a world of equality so that any child born can live a life of dignity and respect, equally as all, so that no children are voiceless and no child is without a mother because all consider all equally and support their neighbor and do unto others as they would like to have done unto them. I will not be a mother no I won't and it is ok because I have other things I require to do and I will not stop - I stand for all as one as equal as life within and as breath here in every moment.

Children will all be 'mothered' by all in and equal world, there will be no motherless child and not childless mother because we can all care for one another as equals!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become sad that I won't be a mother
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself what if's..
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become envious of something that does not support all life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to people that have children
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing selfish thoughts of wonder as what it would be like to have the love a child has for their mother and a mother for their child
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from love and think that love is something that can be achieved through child birth and becoming a mother - love is an expression of who I am as equality here in every moment doing what is best for all and not stopping til it is here in fact.

I'm aware that there is more for me to write about regarding this particular topic and I will continue to share as things come up.

Thanks for reading

1 comment:

Anna Brix - Equality Process Blog said...

Hey - When I was younger this specific desire was very prominent - and one day as I was participating with Desteni, the desire simply stopped. I have interpreted somewhat as though that these specific points of programming are activated as specific times in our lives/specific ages - which could simply be the reason for your experience.It could thus also have something to do with the "natural flow" of things, wherein once one point is settled, we start desiring crossing the next off on the "Survival-to-do-list"

The experience is there because it is "supposed to" be there - That is in all essence fucked up: That an experience is triggered to move us "up" to the next level of enslavement/survival and we experience it as something Real and Valuable and especially something important and will thus hunt it no matter the consequence.

What you could look at further is the words/beliefs/values that is placed into this desire: for example "participation", "being a real woman" or other points that are the point Self is holding onto/existing within and as.

I know there are others at Desteni, who have or have had similar experiences, so perhaps share it on the OF.

Thanks for Sharing D!